The Curious Case of the Missing Kilts, a Victorian Mystery

[Panache]

{ The circumstances of the acquisition of this manuscript are somewhat out of the commonplace and this fact in itself may stand as a warning that this account is to be regarded as suspect. A small gliding member of the family sciuridae wearing a miniature version of the feileadh-beag (likely in the Gunn tartan, but unconfirmed) dropped several pages of neatly folded foolscap on the head of a distinguished and respected member of our forum, who shall in respect to his privacy not be identified. The gentleman in question was at his home in West Sussex and engaged in a casual perusal and inventory of the 67 odd kilts in his ”kollection“ when his solitude was interrupted by the sudden arrival of the flying mammal. The manuscript was dropped unexpectedly, unceremoniously and from great height onto his noble brow. The gentlemen’s body struck a dynamic position of readiness for fight or flight. (It should be noted that the gentleman later adopted this stance as his signature pose for photographic representations with great success) .

Upon reviewing the papers it appeared to be an account of another member of the forum and his experiences in undertaking a Scottish country dance class, or it may have been a pastiche of a Victorian mystery. A third distinct possibility of the whole thing being a load of rubbish is not to be discounted lightly. With a stern mutter of “what nonsense” the gentlemen proceeded in the course of time to present the pages to the alleged author. Said author (who as you may have presumed is none other than myself) has chosen to deliver the manuscript to our forum without further comment or testimonial. Enjoy.}

I was reposing in the library of my humble domicile enjoying one of France’s most celebrated playwright’s finest works and listening to Jacqueline Du Pre’s exquisite performance of Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 in G. I was of a mind to replenish my glass of cognac, but this chain of thought was broken by the ringing of the doorbell. A young lady was shown to my library. I offered her a seat. She was clothed in black kilted skirt made of durable material with shirt and hat of the same colour. She wore a long black veil that obscured her face. The only distinctive feature of my visitor was the very faint scent of Syzygium aromatic. She spoke briefly and to the point, a habit that I myself have sadly never been wont to succumb to. Through her veil she regarded me and spoke cryptically “Panache, are there kilts to be found amongst the Scottish country dancers of San Jose California?“ With this she rose and departed. I was left with her question hovering between myself and the empty chair where the slight fragrance of the compound Eugenol still lingered.

Lacking a current project to direct my energies to, I made a rapid decision to undertake an investigation into the subject. I went looking for my lovely and trusted companion to assist me in this latest endeavor. I found the Flame-Haired Celtic Amazon Goddess in the small workshop of our home in an uneven temper. If the truth were to be told she had an axe to grind, literally. She was at my grinding wheel putting the finishing edge on a short fighting and throwing axe commonly known as a francisca. “My Dear, we’re needed” I jauntily exclaimed. The fact that the axe embedded itself into the stout wood of the door mere inches from my nose is a testament to her skill rather than an indication of it’s want. “You keep dropping off the “Blood Thirsty” part of my description when you write about me on your forum!” she announced. “Just trying to civilize you my dear”, I softly replied. I then proposed to her that I was interested in an investigation into kilts at Scottish dance classes here in our native city. She readily agreed to accompany me in such a query and quickly changing from her leather skirt, armor, and weaponry to attire more appropriate for vigorous Celtic dancing. Grabbing my plumed hat we sallied forth out the door.


In true Victorian fashion this manuscript will be offered in installments.