So it's not a skirt (or maybe it is). And the point is...?

[Rex_Tremende]

I'm having some cognitive dissonance, and future psychologist Hachiman provides me the opportunity to process it.

In a different thread, I was emphatic in stating my disinterest in wearing women's clothes. In that same thread, Hachiman follows with:

The question was posed: "what's your motivation for wearing a kilt?"
[...]
* Gender politics - that is...I too feel that the standard option of "men wear shorts or trousers" whilst women can wear just about anything is...unfair. As a psychology student, I'm always espousing gender equity and often discussing some of the problems faced by men - I see kilts as a way of "putting my money where my mouth is", so to speak.

The subject of whether or not a kilt is a skirt or a type of skirt has come up a number of times, and I am not starting this thread to rekindle that debate. What interests me about that discussion is how quickly many of us are inclined to respond to "Nice skirt!" with "Well, it's a kilt, but thanks!" Why is this? Is it because we know when it's said in that certain way that the remark is intended as a put-down? I know that I have reacted this way, more so when I first started wearing kilts than I do now that I am more comfortable in public with them.

In a former workplace, there used to be a tradition of hazing persons who were promoted into the management ranks with a cutting off of the tie - a symbolic emasculation wherein the tie is a stand-in for the phallus. In order to belong to the good-ol' boys' club, you have to be humiliated first, and what a better way to humiliate a man than to call him a woman! I found this ritual abhorrent, and saw it reach its most absurd lows when my friend Julie's new peers compelled her to wear a tie just to lop it off again.

I sense a similar attitude about the "skirt" issue. Several Xmarkers have posted stories describing family who say it with no malice, and it seems less bothersome. But we all know it's the random, smart-mouthed stranger, or insecure colleague trying to be witty, who rankles us.

I would like to believe that there are worse things that can happen to a guy than to be compared to a woman, and I look forward to the day when we can all greet such remarks with a shrug or a smile. Today and throughout history, one can find women wearing skirts, saris, pantsuits, space suits, and aprons to be admired and honored for their achievements.

So, why was I so peremptory in distancing myself from the woman's wardrobe? Well, maybe it's internalized heteronormativity, but men and women are constructed with different curves and planes, and I like being a man. I feel that masculinity and femininity have equal, but different, value, and preserving their differences is useful (particularly for those of you who are preserving the species!). I can respect and honor women without looking like them, but I'm not opposed to a little cross-pollination either. In this forum, I've mentioned ways in which I accessorize that many would consider out of the norm for a man, and yet I doubt that anyone who saw me in person would mistake me for a cross-dresser.

That is, until I started wearing skirts - er - um - kilts.

I guess the point is everyone here understands that a kilt is a man's garment. Not everyone not here has the same understanding. Some do, but they are not comfortable with the notion. The skirt remarks speak only to their own fears and ignorance. Reacting to them as the insults they were intended to be neither honors women or is likely to promote greater understanding. So, the next time one is directed to me, I will endeavor to say simply, "Thanks!" and leave off any part that follows "but..."

[/therapysession]

Regards,
Rex in Cincinnati

[Pour1Malt]

soonds like someyin has been losing a wee bit o sleep....

(jus havin ya oan!) :rolleyes:

guid insichtful post-

slainte mhath!

[Rex_Tremende]

soonds like someyin has been losing a wee bit o sleep....

I'll sleep better now that I've got this off my chest!

Actually, today is my first day of my brief unemployment, so I had the time to give this the consideration that it's been wanting.

Regards,
Rex.

[Riverkilt]

Boy Rex....

Guess even in my short time kilted the response has become automated for me.

Polite, well inteneded skirt comment = Thank you, its called a kilt, which is a type of skirt. When they hear the word kilt their brain usually ratchets in on that concept and there is an "oh yeah."

Digging kind of comment = a macho glare, sometimes with and sometimes without stating that its more properly called a kilt.

Whichever may happen...I let it slide after that. No way I can change other people's lack of education and/or lack of social graces.

Ron

[Shay]

In order to belong to the good-ol' boys' club, you have to be humiliated first, and what a better way to humiliate a man than to call him a woman! ...

I would like to believe that there are worse things that can happen to a guy than to be compared to a woman, and I look forward to the day when we can all greet such remarks with a shrug or a smile.

Thank you very much. As a matter of fact, I notice a lot of guys have nothing but priase for their wives, girlfriends, and mothers, but say they do anything like a woman, and it's a deadly insult. I wonder then how true that praise must be.

[Alan]

Not long ago while shopping with my wife a guy came up to me and asked me if I was wearing panties under my skirt. I just replied sure, black lace, why are you interested? That shut him up and he turned and stomped off. My wife thought it was funny.

I don't see what the big deal is. If I saw a guy wearing women's clothes, I just figure that it has nothing to do with me, and if thats the way he wants to dress, more power to him. If it doesn't adversly affect me, then why should I care what anyone wears.

[davedove]

No way I can change other people's lack of education ...

Now Ron, that's not entirely accurate. A lack of education can be cured. However, as the comedian Ron White says, "You can't fix stupid."

Unfortunately, that leaves a lot of people that can't be fixed.

[andyfg]

Rex, thanks for a very thoughtful post. Good to read.

[Livingston]

Thank you very much. As a matter of fact, I notice a lot of guys have nothing but priase for their wives, girlfriends, and mothers, but say they do anything like a woman, and it's a deadly insult. I wonder then how true that praise must be.

That's because it's an insult to my wife and my mother to think that I would be up on their level.

There...did that work Shay?

[Joe Gondek]

Shay

I would like to believe that there are worse things that can happen to a guy than to be compared to a woman,

When the Donner Party met with their fate while crossing the Sierra Mountains,(Surviving a snow bound winter) 2/3 of the men died
and 2/3 of the women surived.

It might be considered quite an insult to women to equate kilted men to the female half of the population.