Attend funeral for 1st cousin kilted?

**frank_a** · 7th January 14, 08:13 PM

I just found out my cousin, who in many ways was like a big brother to me, died this morning. He was 68. The funeral will be in my home town of Massena NY, a place I rarely go anymore, just because it's a 5 hour hike. I'm not sure I want to wear a kilt to his funeral, but wonder what the rabble think. And if I was to kilt up, best to do it with my tweed jacket, and not the Prince Charlie, right?

I'd be seeing a lot of family and old friends who have no idea I went off the Scot deep end.

I'm of mixed emotions. We both had the same Scot grandmother, but he never was into his heritage at all. Also, I would not want to be distracting in a memorial service.

I need to give this some thought. Thanks for any suggestions.

Frank

**Nathan** · 7th January 14, 08:23 PM

First and foremost, my deepest condolences, Frank.

To your question:

I've refrained from wearing my kilt under similar circumstances for the very reasons you mentioned but if you did decide to do it, I'd say tweed for sure.

A wedding may be a better and more jovial occasion to make your tartan debut to the family. You don't want to be accused of trying to make it "all about you" even if the criticism is unjustified. In my experience, people are on edge when someone passes away and they sometimes lash out at on another over rather minor things. But perhaps that's just my clan...

If you wouldn't wear a tuxedo to a funeral, then the PC would not be suitable for the occasion.

Again, my heart felt condolences.

**chasem** · 7th January 14, 09:10 PM

I'm sorry to hear the news, Frank. My condolences.

I haven't yet worn a kilt to a funeral yet either, but I don't think I'll have any qualms about it when I finally do. All the stories I've heard of people who were in a similar position were positive - mostly comments from other attendees expressing their appreciation for the respect shown for the person who passed by the wearing of the kilt.

I can definitely understand the reasoning behind not wearing it. Either way, wear whatever you wear with respect and I expect the occasion will pass without much of a fuss.

**HippieLee** · 7th January 14, 09:37 PM

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I don't have a real answer for your question. All I can tell you is that when my mom died several years ago - before I ever heard of X-Marks and before I had my own kilt - there were a couple of young men in attendance at the funeral in black utility style kilts and I can honestly say I was surprised at first and that surprise turned almost immediately to happiness followed quickly by wishing I had already gotten a kilt. I had been thinking about kilts for many years prior and had always said I was going to get one one day and it just really warmed my heart to see these fellows in kilts at my mom's funeral in a little Texas town. Sadly I didn't get a chance to talk to them as they came in for the service but didn't go out to the burial. I really didn't know any of those people - my mom and step-father moved that town shortly after I graduated and left home so I never lived there but they had lived there for 35+ years so they pretty much knew the whole town.

I guess what I'm saying is it made me happy on a rotten day to see some kilts. But I was already predisposed to think favorably on kilts and I can't guarantee your family will feel the same.

**ASinclair** · 7th January 14, 09:47 PM

Frank, I'm so sorry for your loss.

As to what to wear to the funeral, I agree with Nathan, you probably want to forego the kilt, but should you decide to wear it, go with a tweed jacket.

**Downunder Kilt** · 7th January 14, 09:50 PM

You have answered the question yourself Frank, "you are not sure you want to". Unless you have the confidence that it is the right thing to wear, you will worry all day and it will show.
Sorry to hear of your family's loss.

**Hawk** · 7th January 14, 10:10 PM

My condolences Frank, to you and the family. Prayers and thoughts are with you during this time. Just a simple opinion, with only the facts as you presented them.....I would not go kilted, but maybe wear the Clan Pin on you as an honor to that part of the family ( Grandmother ). Just my personal opinion.

Hawk

**Chas** · 8th January 14, 03:38 AM

I agree with the majority, Frank.

Some might say that a kilt can be worn 'at all times and in all places', but that only works if the man wearing it is known by all family and friends as "The Kilt Guy". If that is not the case then the kilt is reduced to mere costume and that is not what you, nor your cousin deserves.

**Jock Scot** · 8th January 14, 04:10 AM

I think one has to understand that just because you own a kilt that you don't HAVE to wear it. Even in the Highlands of Scotland, there are occasions, particularly at funerals, where I choose not to wear the kilt, in consideration of the family involved. Its known as discretion.

**frank_a** · 8th January 14, 06:14 AM

Thanks guys. I agree. Dark gray suit, button down lightly striped oxford shirt, Campbell tartan tie (just got a new one to replace the one that was 20 years old) and rarely worn black wingtips. That's pretty much what my thought was, but figured it couldn't hurt to put it out there. Thanks to all who commented, it is much appreciated. My head just isn't completely screwed on right now! Of course, the wee lass would argue it is hardly ever tight! Cheers, Frank