Advice regarding rude people?

[CDNSushi]

Gentlemen,

I am looking for advice... Something has really been bugging me and I just can't let go of it because it keeps coming back to bite me.

At the college where I teach, I share an office with another instructor. He is my supervisor -- a Japanese man (yes, it's relevant). In fact, I am the only non-Japanese at the entire college. I don't know if it's a case of differing culture, but it just strikes me that the overall level of manners and behaviour at my workplace are very, very poor and inconsiderate. Normally I wouldn't care so much if it didn't implicate me directly, but it does and that's the reason for my quest for advice.

The other instructor with whom I share my office (other than being my supervisor) is also the section head for the communications division, and as such, he runs around a lot. This means that people also look for him a lot. Sometimes he tells me where he's going and when he'll be back, but other times he does not. (The main office has an IN/OUT board to indicate whether someone is on the premises or not, but no one ever looks at it, even though we are all required to use it)...

Well, what REALLY chafes me, and I mean really, really, REALLY chafes me is when I'm sitting at my desk working, someone will knock on the door, I'll say "enter," the person opens the door, looks around, asks where my co-worker is, I start to answer him, and MID-SENTENCE he turns around, walks out and shuts the door! It's is unbelievably common! In fact, I would say there are only maybe 2 or 3 people who DON'T do this and who actually wait for me to finish my sentence. But the worst offender of all is the bloody school's principal. Our average conversation goes something like this:

<knock, knock>
ME: Yes...?
<door opens?
PRINCIPAL: Is Mr. <co-worker> around?
ME: Well... I sa
<door shuts as principal walks away, mumbling>

I mean, really! There is no excuse for this! I just can't bring myself to believe that this is cultural because if I were to do the same thing -- that is, walk into the principal's office, ask a question and then turn around and walk out while he was mid-sentence, I would get torn a new one!!!

I've tried getting my supervisor (and co-worker) to speak to people about this... He is very sympathetic but he's also completely spineless. There is no way that he would EVER tell anyone, especially the principal that they were being rude. I would do it myself, but I know that wouldn't go over at all because the principal is over 65 and I'm just in my 30s. In Japanese culture, I would be the rude one by pointing out that the old guy was behaving like he was brought up in a barn.

Part of the problem is the PERCEPTION that I can't speak Japanese or understand anything or anyone... Which is false. I can! And no matter how many conversations I have in Japanese with my co-workers, they still somehow seem to believe that I can't speak/understand Japanese. Therefore, somehow in their twisted, mucked up brains they think it's perfectly acceptable to ask me a question and then leave mid-sentence because the dumb barbarian can't understand what the heck I'm saying anyhow.

I am not the one to reward people tit-for-tat... And it would not be like me just to ignore the door knocking and then ignore the people who ask me a question. That would a) make me look just as rude as them and b) consolidate their beliefs that I'm just a dumb foreigner who can't understand what they are saying...

So, I find myself in a tough spot. I wish I could just ignore and forget the situation, but I just don't know how. It happens daily and I just don't fancy being treated like chattel.

I can whine to my supervisor to my heart's content, and he will listen and offer sympathy, but he won't actually ever do anything... So maybe I can feel better for a while, but then it'll just happen again.

I can try to address the problem myself, but I don't know how to do that because I'm the low guy on the totem pole, and it seems like an insurmountable fight when the top guy on the totem pole -- the principal is the worst offender of them all.

Man, does anyone have any words of wisdom for me???

(I feel better getting that off my chest, anyway)...

[JRB]

The only advice I can give is to practice getting your sentences out really, really fast so before they've turned and shut the door you have completed answering their question. It's lame at best, I know, but from all you've said there seems to be no real stopping this behavior. But I feel for you.

[pdcorlis]

If the question really is "Is Mr. <co-worker> around?"

The correct response may be to look at the empty chair, turn to the questioner and say "Nope."

[SFCRick]

just say "No"

[CDNSushi]

Yeah... You guys are right... Just saying "no" would be by far the easiest thing... I think that what's causing the problem is my incessant desire to be helpful... See, if they come in looking for him, and I KNOW where he is, it's just natural for me to want to tell them. Comes with the territory of being a teacher -- you have a desire to educate...

[Sammac]

If the question really is "Is Mr. <co-worker> around?"

The correct response may be to look at the empty chair, turn to the questioner and say "Nope."

I would also recommend, ''Nope".

[Bugbear]

I have no idea what you could do. It is funny, though, people often feel comfortable having conversations around me that they wouldn't have around a sighted person. I can relate to being perceived as a mindless idiot, or perhaps it's that I might not be able to recognize them later on. I do get to hear people say the darndest things, though.

I suppose you could be thankful that people arn't getting angry at you, and taking out their frustrations on you, because you're office mate isn't around when they need him...

[KD Burke]

I preface this by saying that I do not speak from experience. However, I have read of a Japanese cultural phenomenon which may apply. I believe the term is gaijin meaning ""outside person."

I'm wondering if perhaps you are being ignored for being non-Japanese?

Not intentionally disrespectful, but perhaps a cultural issue?

I admit to ignorance on the subject, so....educate me!

[Bigkahuna]

Lock your door!!!

[CDNSushi]

I preface this by saying that I do not speak from experience. However, I have read of a Japanese cultural phenomenon which may apply. I believe the term is gaijin meaning ""outside person."

I'm wondering if perhaps you are being ignored for being non-Japanese?

Not intentionally disrespectful, but perhaps a cultural issue?

I admit to ignorance on the subject, so....educate me!

Yes, that is definitely a big part of it. The word "gaijin" does indeed literally mean "outside person." Something that even many Japanese don't know and raise their eyebrows when I tell them, is that another Japanese person can also be a "gaijin." It used to be a term that was used in previous centuries to refer to anyone who was not in your "inside group" -- meaning your family, your company, your town or village, your community, etc.

The term for "foreigner" is "gaikokujin." It literally means "outside country person." (As an interesting aside, Japanese television, in much the same way as N. American TV *bleeps* out swear words, they*bleep* it out whenever someone says "gaijin" when they mean to refer to someone who is not Japanese)...

In any case, semantics aside, that is also a part of it -- people genuinely are afraid of talking to a non-Japanese. Much of this fear stems from their insecurity with either the prospect of having to talk English, or the foreigner not being able to understand Japanese. In terms of being the "outsider" at the college -- that may be. I'm not sure exactly how I'm viewed as far as that goes. I'd have to give it some thought! :-)


BTW, here's the Japanese breakdown of the symbols: