In case you noticed my absence...

**Brian K** · 18th February 11, 01:57 PM

Dear friends,

I was very active on this forum during the first half of last year. I made friends, I learned an incredible amount about any number of topics and I had loads of fun.

After July 20 I just dropped off the radar. It was not anything I had planned, but that day I lost my stepfather. I was much closer to him than I am to my biological father and it hit me much harder than I thought it would. He was 75 years old and fairly active and his last few days were wonderful. He and my mother were as happy as they have been in nearly 45 years of marriage. He went very peacefully in his sleep.

Dad was a big deal in the small town where we live and we received condolences of well over 1000 people during the calling hours and well over 400 people attended his funeral, which was preceded by a Masonic service, which we held on the front lawn of my parents home.

He had been a member of the local fire department for over 50 years so the department arranged for tents for the funeral as well as an honor guard and their funeral service and as we went to the cemetery we passed under an arch formed by two ladder trucks. When we arrived at the burial we also found out the department had hired a piper from Syracuse to play at the graveside. (I spoke to him for a few minutes and put in a plug for our group!)

I had assumed I would be back here shortly and everything would return to normal but I had a harder time dealing with my grief than I expected and it has taken me quite awhile for my life to seem normal once more. Everything I see and everyone I meet in this tiny village reminds me of Dad and that's a good thing, but it has made it harder to finish my grieving (if, indeed, it ever finishes), especially since I do not have a spouse or partner to help me process my feelings.

I never stopped thinking of this group but for some reason I was unable to sit down and log in. I don't know why but I suppose there are a lot of things we do or don't do that we don't understand. I had been thinking of returning more and more recently and just the other day I had a PM from Ted (Bugbear) noting my long absence and asking how I was and if I'd return. Thanks to him nudging me I'm back and I hope to stick around for awhile.

If you happen to think of it, raise a glass in memory of Mark Harvey of Sandy Creek, NY on March 1, which would have been his 76th birthday.

Thanks to those few of you who knew what was going on and expressed your condolences when I needed them.

Regards,

Brian

**Bugbear** · 18th February 11, 02:06 PM

Welcome back, Brian.

**thescot** · 18th February 11, 02:11 PM

Brain, I am always so intensely aware of my inability to say something meaningful at times like these, even though I have tried so many time to fine the words.

The best I can do is to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know how you feel, and I can bear your particular burden, but can tell you that I am very sorry, and I hope you can find the peace that often comes with time and fond memories of a loved one.

I shall raise a glass to Mark Harvey tonight as well as on March 1. Obviously a fine man who is greatly missed. Since my own birthday is only two days after Mark's, I will share the thoughts with him and his memory.

How wonderful to have lived a life worth remembering as you remember him now. The greatest tragedy is to die unregretted and unremembered. A good man has lived and had a profound impact on you; it is a fitting tribute that you remember him well and regret his passing.

May God bless you and grant you peace in your loss.

**ForresterModern** · 18th February 11, 02:35 PM

I think some of your feelings of loss may abate when the realization sets in of just how important this person was to you and how many lives he affected in a positive way, how much better off you are for having had him in your life and how many things he has taught you about life in general over the many years. Often times we dwell on the loss of the person and its effects on us personally, instead of the revelling in the treasures they have left behind in those they knew and loved. Grieving is a singular and personal process we each have to bear individually, even when we can share it with other loved ones. I pray yours is shortlived but that the glorious memories and the inner warmth that results from them lives on forever.

jeff

**Duke of Delrio** · 19th February 11, 01:00 AM

Brian,

Your loss is great and your grief is deep. As you can see by the responses already coming back to you . . .that your friends in this forum are holding out every good wish in your behalf.

When my father died, everyone, well-meaning to be sure, said that I would get over it in time. I learned that one does not ever get over it, one learns to live with it . . . first with the sense of loss which then becomes a deep sense of the worth of the one lost. Memories grow and glow. In those memories, I found that my father was still very much a part of the best of all I do.

In your own way and in your own time, this is what I wish for you.

**Jock Scot** · 19th February 11, 01:32 AM

Yes I did notice your absence and yes, I am extremely glad to have you back.

**English Bloke** · 19th February 11, 03:00 AM

Good to see you back Brian. It can take a while. Chin up mate, soldier on.

**Brian K** · 19th February 11, 09:19 AM

Thank you gentlemen for your kind remarks and welcome back.

To Ted in particular I wish to express thanks for the nudge that brought me back.

Jim, the love and support of a Brother is a precious thing and is the true strength of our ancient fraternity.

Jock and Jim both, I have thought of the both of you every time I have donned or doffed my bonnet with the Masonic cap badge attached. We were together in spirit despite our separation in time and space.

Jeff, John and Duke I value your kind words and best wishes as well and I hope we will all have many years to get to know each other much better.

Regards,

Brian

**English Bloke** · 19th February 11, 09:26 AM

Standing at your shoulder Brian. My Dad left the building in 1975. I was 14 at the time and it doesn't go away. You just learn to focus it. Think positively of all the good times. It helps.

**ForresterModern** · 19th February 11, 09:38 AM

Brian

I think you are turning a major corner in your life, seeing now all those friends and expanded family around you and their importance in your life. You must now see all those good things you saw in your "Dad" and miss so terribly now yourself, and realize it is your legacy, from him, to carry on and spread the same to your community of friends and family. How better to memorialize him in a most positive, communal and forward thinking manner.

Good will and Gods speed.

j