Genie

[Southern Breeze]

Here's another good one from my E-Mail.

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a magic lamp. They rub the lamp
and a genie appears. The genie says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes
but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".

So the eager Junior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the
Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Poofffff, and he was gone.

Now the Senior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida
with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Poofffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm".

Moral of the story is:

"Always allow the boss to speak first"

[ozmeath]

Haha! Got a good chuckle outa me that one.Here's a golden oldie:

One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be better in a second"

So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.

The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"

The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking"

[davedove]

I heard another one about a genie.

A genie appeared to a man and granted him the customary three wishes, with the condition that the man's worst enemy would be granted twice what the man wished.

The man wished for a million dollars. "Granted," the genie said, "but your enemy now has two million dollars."

The man wished for a beautiful woman to cater to his every desire. "Granted, but your enemy now has two such women.

Finally, the man makes his last wish, "I want you to beat me HALF to death."

[Panache]

A man was walking along a beach and came across an old bottle. Opening it a huge angry Genie appeared. The Genie said "Look I've been in that stupid bottle for 10,000 years! I am ticked off! I will give you ONE wish then I am out of here! Make it a fast wish and don't make it stupid!"

The man thought and said "I have always wanted to see Hawaii but I'm afraid of flying. Could you please make a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there?"

The Genie exploded "ARE YOU OUT OF YOU IDIOTIC MIND! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THE UNGODLY AMOUNTS OF STEEL AND CONCRETE IT WOULD TAKE TO MAKE A BRIDGE ACROISS THE WHOLE FREAKING OCEAN!!!!! That is a stupid wish. Make another. NOW!"

The man thought and said "well I have been married three times and each marriage ended in divorce. I have lots of girlfriends but always had trouble maintaining the relationship. Each woman has said the same thing, that I just didn't understand them. I wish that I could understand women, what their motivations are, their reasoning, their thought process, why they change their minds, everything. That's my wish."

The Genie looked at the man and said "So buddy, you want that bridge to be two lanes or four" *


Cheers




* alternate punchline : The Genie looks at the man and raises his hands there is a flash of lightning and the wish is granted. The Genie smiles and says "It's done, you're a woman!"