I really need to vent...

**TheOfficialBren** · 9th February 13, 12:27 AM

I am head over heels for a young lady who has told me that she is also crazy about me.

Here's the clincher...she suffers from anxiety and chronic depression and takes medication for this. Often she is chatty and open. The last few days, however, she has been withdrawn and difficult to talk with.

I know that, myself having Asperger's Syndrome, I am not always an easy person to be around but I am making a serious effort here.

I really feel that she could be "the one." I don't know if that will happen but we have both discussed the matter and are both open to the idea of going the whole distance (see "marriage") if the time is right and we have dated for a healthy amount of time.

I could really use some advice, or even a friendly sympathetic note.

Thanks, guys, for being supportive. I posted in the Misc. Because this isn't kilt-related but I gather that we are a community first and foremost.

**John_Carrick** · 9th February 13, 01:49 AM

Sounds like you have a great thing going here and I wish you both luck and happiness.
I'm not qualified to speak on this but I know of several people with similar conditions to your lady and sometimes there are just difficult periods that have to be got through, and they may only be occasional and made better by having a good partner who will get to know how to provide the right support.
Also people get prescribed new medication which does not work out for them or they don't take the medication they should be taking. I hope she is feeling better soon.

Best wishes
John

**TheOfficialBren** · 9th February 13, 01:59 AM

That is quite true!
Thank you, very much, John.
Your words have been encouraging.

**neloon** · 9th February 13, 02:08 AM

Bren,
"we have dated for a healthy amount of time"
I think that is important. You are both going to have to get used to each other's needs and that may be quite hard work. So take it gently. Obviously the anxiety to "get it right" will be difficult for both of you - it's the same for everybody really.
All the best to you and the lovely lady.
Alan

**guardsman** · 9th February 13, 03:16 AM

I liked the saying , todays mountains are tomorrows mole hills. Problems always seem immense at any given time, but they get smaller as you get over them. Good luck with the relationship, even the best have rocky patches.

**Father Bill** · 9th February 13, 04:44 AM

Well, everyone deserves happiness. Sounds like you both have a good share of that right now. May you make the right decisions, and may they make both of your happinesses continue.

**Chas** · 9th February 13, 05:20 AM

Be yourself - Do not try to be something different to please someone else.

Likewise, accept the other person for who they are. Most relationships break down because of this. One partner or the other, thought at the start that they could 'improve' the other.

Conversations do not have to be about words. A small gesture can say far more than hours of talk.

Regards

Chas

**dutchy kilted** · 9th February 13, 05:59 AM

If you are serious about her, both of you need to accept that your Asperger's and her depression/anxiety are just a part of your relationship and know there will be difficult stretches because of it. How you handle those stretches should define how you do as a couple.

Good luck to you both.

Make sure you tell her you want to wear a kilt your wedding.

**piperdbh** · 9th February 13, 07:20 AM

I recommend you talk about your concerns with her and with someone you both trust (pastor, counselor, close friend) before you think about getting married, and commit to working through the issues you both have. And, just in case you think people with various conditions can't have successful marriages, remember this: a marriage is made up of two broken people who become more whole with each other. Not the "you complete me" claptrap we've all heard, but each of you will make up half of the new "we" that you create.

**llyd** · 9th February 13, 07:42 AM

I definitely feel your pain...Uncle Sam's Kanoe Klub broke me in som interesting (ok..crappy) ways...I suffer from post trauma depression and anxiety..it is very difficult for me to maintain normal relations with anyone, but what I have found is that when things seem to be going south or just feel weird, I have to pull myself back and examine what is happening, and ask myself is this real or is it my brand of crazy coming out..very often I find that that is exactly what it is..and I can adjust and move on...at least in interpersonal relationships...dealing with the world at large..not so much.