Oh, What a Night!

**Big Mikey** · 26th November 08, 01:13 PM

A little light reading for the holiday weekend. It was posted last year but this is the new, expanded edition. I hope you enjoy it.

An Xmarks Night

I was home catching up on some chores, cleaning the fireplace, dumping the PANACHE out of the ash pan when my doorbell rang. My neighbour had decided to COLIN to tell me about his car accident. “ I need a couple of beers and two or three ryes.” he said. I told him “No. Let’s POUR 1 MALT and you can tell me what happened.”

I went to turn off the tv, some nature show about a new dinosaur, the RK REX, was on and rather distracting. He said he had just ruined his fine, hand crafted, antique gyrocar or FHCAG.

“I was just cruising along when I hit a big puddle and RAPTOR around a pole. You wanna go see DEREK?” I told him no, and asked if he knew any wrecker drivers to tow his baby home. He didn’t and I didn’t but I thought my friend MAC NEWSOME.

We made arrangements for the hulk to be taken to a garage that was known to specialize in body collision work. The owner, Steve was known to work magic. In fact he was called the WIZARD OF BC.

As I was in my jammies, I got dressed to go to the garage. Which shirt to wear? My football T, my hockey T, nope, I think my BARB T and which kilt? My ocean kilt, my lake kilt, nope I think my RIVERKILT. As we were about to leave, I saw it was raining. “I’ll just get my MACMAN. No sense getting soaked.”

As we walked along, I pointed out some neat architectural features. Atop an arch was a weird figure. I thought it was an arch gargoyle but it turned out to be an ARCHANGEL. It was rather hard to see. You had to really squint, you know, make your eyes BEEDEE. I said that I thought the carving had been done by a new Oregonian but my friend said it was done by an AULD ARGONIAN.

We spied some folks standing around a bonfire that was really BLAZN. We stopped to see what was up. We told them we were going to Pooh’s Pub for a BEERTIGGER. They asked “CANAWLER us come along?” My friend and I replied “If you can show us a talking dog, you can come.” “We don’t got no talkin’ dog but we do got a CHATTANCAT.”

At the pub, I spied my pal Dave but he didn’t want to be seen so DAVEDOVE under the table. Some moron made the skirt comment so I replied “GMAN, it’s a KILTMAN.”

I bought a raffle ticket but didn’t win. I think the draw was RIGGED. I called my kilted waitress over and ordered one last MARKKEENEY before heading home. Just as she was about to deliver it some *CCGA3359* bumped into her and she spilled my drink all over her shirt but she MRKILT.

We were watching the news and learned about some NAVYGUY that had killed a GREENDRAGON with a HEARTOFGLASS but he was hallucinating. He had actually killed some PHATBLOKE. Yes, he had been MCMURDOd. Next was a story about a carpenter who was heavily tattooed with the tools of his trade. Saws, drills, hammers but no screws or nails just a TATTOOBRAD.

Having had enough beer and such to drink, we thought a nice cuppa java was in order so we headed to STARBKJRUS. Stopped at a corner store and grabbed a couple of HEATHBARs. While in the store, I spied a new line of cake mixes by Betty Crockers little brother, TEDCROCKER.

As we were having our coffee, some NIGHTHAWK swooped down and grabbed my cake mix. We tried to CHASEM but we couldn’t catch up.

I’d had enough and went home.