Toast to the lassies

[Graham]

I've been asked to do the Toast to the lassies at a function which will combine Burns supper, ceilidh and birthday party with a Scottish theme.

Now, I've never done the toast before, it's intended to be light hearted, so I thought I'd start with a joke.
this is what I've chosen, but my wife doesn't like it. If anyone knows a better joke...I'd like to know.

A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad woman standing over him. She asks, "Would you like some food?"

The Scot hoarsely croaks, " Yes, please, I haven't eaten a bite of food for a week and I am very hungry !"
She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a basket of food. When he has choked it down, she asks, "Would you like something to drink?"
" Oh, yes ! That food has made me very thirsty and I would very much like a drink!"
She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey. The Scotsman is beginning to think that he's in heaven when the unclad woman leans closer and says, "Would you like to play around?"

" Oh, you beautiful woman, don't tell me you've got a golf course here too!"

[cavscout]

Thanks for the laugh this AM. :mrgreen:

[Cawdorian]

Hey, I like that one, thanks for a good laugh

[ByDand]

Graham, That's a keeper. If your wife doesn't like that one, perhaps she'll change her mind if you tell her you are doing Burns' Epitaph called "On a Henpecked Squire" done in 1784.

As father Adam first was fool'd,
(A case that's still too common,)
Here lies a man a woman ruled,
The devil ruled the woman.

I did this one once at a Burns Night and all the men enjoyed it, the ladies for some reason didn't see the humor.

[cavscout]

I'm not suggesting this by any means, but it's a decent toast from high school..

To the heat of the night...
Not to the heat that burns down shanty's
But to the heat that pulls down panties.

[Southern Breeze]

Thanks for the laugh!

[Mike n NC]

I'm not suggesting this by any means, but it's a decent toast from high school..

To the heat of the night...
Not to the heat that burns down shanty's
But to the heat that pulls down panties.

Ok, get yer butt over here and clean my computer now.

Mike

[GMan]

Graham,

Finding the right words is always tough to do. I am sure that you will do well regardless of which one you use. I think it is a great and precious little tale, much better than some I have heard of that type.