too quick to criticize

[sailortats]

Folks, I am posting this in response to two ongoing threads. In one thread we have already lost a new member and in the other I think the person being discussed would have left by now if he was a member.
In the first thread the OP was taken to task for posting a somewhat derogatory comment about a contemporary way of wearing the kilt in the contemporary kilt thread. Let's think about that for a minute. He was a new member still feeling his way around the forum. Where else would he think
to post his comment, certainly not the traditional kilt forum or the DIY forum.
In the other thread we are being extremely critical of they way the person was dressed. We don't know the reason behind the way he dressed for that picture. If we knew that then the picture might be perfectly logical. Let's say the reason he dressed that way was to show some folks the wrong way of wearing the kilt. If that were the case then we would be complimenting him instead of condemning his taste in clothing. Or maybe he was copying the actual outfit of a beloved father or grandfather.
Please, let's all take a few minutes to think things out before jumping in with the criticism. We have been loosing good members recently due to harsh comments made before we have taken the time to think.
Sorry, I did not mean to get on my high horse. These comments are not directed at any one individual but to the forum members as a whole.

[Father Bill]

Your point is one that is well taken, and which we always need to keep in mind. Good for you, Phil!

[CMcG]

I apologize for contributing to scaring off the now ex-member with my comments on his "Kilt Suits" thread. In my defence, I did explicitly recognize that he was relatively new and tried to be constructive in my criticism. I suspect, however, that his departure had more to with his hope of finding like-minded people to join him in bashing kilt suits, which I took issue with...

Your point is well-taken sailortats that one can usually find a gentler way of saying things

[CDNSushi]

Thanks for the reminder. Your point is well made. In addition to which, I would say that in a Newbie introduction thread, posting messages that indicate disagreement with the OP's attire, e.g. "Welcome but.... I don't agree with your style" is rather inconsiderate and rude. I wouldn't dream of ever saying to somebody's face in person, (and if someone said that to me, the conversation would be a very short one) so it boggles the mind that it would be said online. That is all.

[MacEanruig]

Well said! We should never act in such a way that any member feels intimidated, especially such that they leave the group.

[Liam]

I try to only offer any suggestions or specific comments when they are asked for. We have sections of the forum that are for those seeking advice. Other sections including the introductory section are not the place to either seek or provide your personal opinions or suggestions.

[MNlad]

Good points, all. I try to make a habit of stressing that my opinions are just that, my opinions and sense of taste only, and they should be taken for what they're worth. This would be a dull place indeed if we were all of the same opinion on any issue. With that said, a bit of tact can go a long way in encouraging a healthy dialog without bending personal feelings out of shape. Good on you, Phil.

[Liam]

This would be a dull place indeed if we were all of the same opinion on any issue.

As if this would ever happen.....hahaha

[Jock Scot]

This is the forth time I have written this post as I have tried to pick my words carefully, but you know there is another side to this discussion. Disagreeing is never an easy thing to do, neither is pointing out opposing facts and opinions. I think this website conducts itself with commendable courtesy and tact pretty much all the time, even when sometimes, discussing some pretty tricky subjects, particularly when taking into account differing international meanings and perceptions added to the well known internet problems of conversing and delivering the precise message that was actually intended and meant, as opposed to the message received!

In my view, there was absolutely nothing to worry about the gentle reminder to the, acknowledged, new member, that some people actually like kilt suits.

As to the "kilt on the wrong way" issue. Well the kilt IS on the wrong way and as the issue was posted in a newspaper it is therefore in the public domain and open to comment from all. Now, if the headline had been something like "man bucks convention and wears his kilt backwards" then that is his choice shouted loud and clear and whilst we may not agree with it, it is, after all, his choice. But that headline was not there, so in my view the light hearted educational comment and observations that followed on a kilt web site are entirely valid and really, we should not be surprised.

[cizinec]

I have to say that I think this is one of the most polite discussion boards I have ever seen and the fact that this thread even exists helps sustain it. As a new member, I'll say the "wrong way" thread was a bit superfluous. As the wearer is a retired Lt. Col. incorrectly wearing a part of a uniform for a photograph for the paper, however, he knew better for at least a part of his infraction. I saw a lot of, "how do we get the right information out there" as a point of discussion and think that might be relevant.

I have only one complaint about the forum, which, I think, ignores the realities of going kilted in a large portion of the United States, but the overwhelming amount of information and good will here makes this forum the one I find myself coming to more frequently. I wish other internet fora were half as polite and focused on relevant discussion. I am glad to see y'all have discussions on *keeping* the forum polite.