A (very) little humor...

**Fearnest** · 13th March 07, 05:51 AM

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

4. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

5. An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

6. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

7. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

8. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

9. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

**McClef** · 13th March 07, 06:42 AM

*Groan*

OK here are a couple more:

The response of the lady monocle to the gentleman monocle when he proposed marriage:

"What? And have us make a spectacle of ourselves?"

And the reporter at Ford's Theater:

"Apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"

**ozone** · 13th March 07, 06:56 AM

Here's one from my sister in law:

Subject: HELL

Let's get away from all the political stuff, and explore some scientific theories.

This is good...don't get caught up in the details just read until the end for a good chuckle...

The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington chemistry midterm. The
answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats
when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which
souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they
are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore,
no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are
entering Hell, let's look at the different religions
that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth
and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature
and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night,
then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that
Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving
only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept
shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"