You Know You Are a True Scot If....

[cessna152towser]

Are you Scottish? I am............ You know you are a true Scot if.............

Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, and Auchtermuchty.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin faw aboot pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes.
Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
Ye kin mak hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies aw in the wan shop.
Yer holiday hame it the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;
how's it hingin
clarty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beasties
amurny
awa an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag
dubble nugget
And finally......
A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his backside aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

[Splash_4]

Classic!

[KFCarter]

Excellent

[JolyStNicholas]

Well done laddie!

[McClef]

Even I had to read the Ayrshire Bacon bit twice!

[Sir William]

I only did about half the list - which is probably about right considering my mixed heritage.

[ForresterModern]

Laughing my **** off, Alex. Thanks for the lift.

Although we might need a translation for some of those listed words or phrases.

There is a similar type standing joke in my family about my great great grandfather, Eurastus Foster, who once fell off a wall at a family picnic. As he got up brushing himself off, a nearby relative asked "Ya hurt, Eurast?", to which he answered, "No but I skinned my elbow." True story.

[ForresterModern]

I guess this is the Scottish version of "you might be a redneck if...."

More please, if they are out there.

[O'Callaghan]

I had a little trouble with some of the words listed near the end. I had an uncle who was born in Milngavie, though, so I know how to say it. He married into my family by marrying an Englishwoman, though, so I don't have a drop of Scots' blood. We visited them in Scotland and they came to see us in England when I was young.

Since moving to the US, I had a Scots lady as my boss at one time, and once, just to tease an American lady colleague I said "Och aye, it's a braw bricht moonlicht nicht tonicht" of which the American lady didn't understand anything and of course my boss did. You can have so much fun just with nonsense phrases like that.

[Colonel MacNeal]

I guess this is the Scottish version of "you might be a redneck if...."

More please, if they are out there.

Well, if you consider that the original Rednecks were Scottish Covenanters, you might be on to something there.

Crackers too, have their origins in Scotland and Ireland.