Finnegans' Dog

[ohiopiper]

Finnegan lived alone and rather distant from most folks, with only his dog to keep him company.

One day Finnegan walked into town looking rather dejected and went to see the priest. "Father", he asked, "Could you see your way clear to say a mass for poor old Maxwell? He was a fine dog."

"Certainly not", said the priest. "We have no such thing as a mass for a dog. However, if it were to ease your mind, there are a new bunch in town, baptists I believe. They may have something to do for you and Maxwell."

"Thank you, Father" said Finnegan. "Do you think five hundred quid is enough for a donation?"

"Good heavens!" said the priest, "You might have mentioned before that Maxwell was Catholic!"

[ohiopiper]

And since I happen to be a baptist, here's one poking fun at us.

A new barber opened a shop in town and hung out a shingle advertising good prices. Soon people were talking about the good haircuts they'd gotten and what a friendly man he was.

The local priest went in for a haircut and when he tried to pay, the barber declines saying he wouldn't charge a man of the cloth. The next day there was a bottle of wine and a tin of cookies on his back steps.

Shortly thereafter, the local rabbi went in for a haircut and the barber again refused payment, saying he would not charge a man of the cloth. The next day there was a mason jar of homemade soup and a loaf of frersh baked bread on his back steps.

The next week, the local baptist preacher went in for a trim and again the barber refused payment for the same reaons. The following morning there were three more baptists on his back steps.

[jgcunningham]

Okay. Here's another one poking fun at us Baptists:

A Baptist minister and his wife, a Methodist minister and his wife, and a Presbyterian minister and his wife were all riding in a car on their way to a restaurant. As they came up over a hill, there was a large truck stalled in the road. The Baptist preacher was driving and crashed into the truck killing all six.

They all find themselves standing at the pearly gates and St. Peter looks at the Methodist minister and his wife and says, "I can't let you into Heaven. All your life you only cared about drinking. You even went so far as to marry a woman named Brandy. You both need to leave."

St. Peter then turned to the Presbyterian minister and his wife and said, "And you. All you ever cared about was money. You even married a woman named Penny. You'll have to leave and don't come back."

The Baptist preacher turned to his wife and said, "Oh no. Fanny, we don't stand a chance."

[Ruanaidh]

Okay. Here's another one poking fun at us Baptists:

A Baptist minister and his wife, a Methodist minister and his wife, and a Presbyterian minister and his wife were all riding in a car on their way to a restaurant. As they came up over a hill, there was a large truck stalled in the road. The Baptist preacher was driving and crashed into the truck killing all six.

They all find themselves standing at the pearly gates and St. Peter looks at the Methodist minister and his wife and says, "I can't let you into Heaven. All your life you only cared about drinking. You even went so far as to marry a woman named Brandy. You both need to leave."

St. Peter then turned to the Presbyterian minister and his wife and said, "And you. All you ever cared about was money. You even married a woman named Penny. You'll have to leave and don't come back."

The Baptist preacher turned to his wife and said, "Oh no. Fanny, we don't stand a chance."

I think this joke is even funnier for our friends in the UK than those of us in the US. (Fanny means something entirely different on the other side of the pond.)

[macshorty]

Okay. Here's another one poking fun at us Baptists:

A Baptist minister and his wife, a Methodist minister and his wife, and a Presbyterian minister and his wife were all riding in a car on their way to a restaurant. As they came up over a hill, there was a large truck stalled in the road. The Baptist preacher was driving and crashed into the truck killing all six.

They all find themselves standing at the pearly gates and St. Peter looks at the Methodist minister and his wife and says, "I can't let you into Heaven. All your life you only cared about drinking. You even went so far as to marry a woman named Brandy. You both need to leave."

St. Peter then turned to the Presbyterian minister and his wife and said, "And you. All you ever cared about was money. You even married a woman named Penny. You'll have to leave and don't come back."

The Baptist preacher turned to his wife and said, "Oh no. Fanny, we don't stand a chance."

Thanks for the laugh!

[Big Mikey]

At the tent revival meeting, the preacher was inviting folks to come on down and join the Army of the Lord.

A gentleman approached the preacher.
"What faith be you brother?" he asked.
"I'm Episcopalian."
"Welcome to the Army of the Lord."

A young lady approached.
"What faith be you miss?"
"I'm Anglican."
"Welcome to the Army of the Lord."

A second gent approached.
"What faith be you sir?"
"I'm Baptist."
"WHOA! You can't join the Army of the Lord."
"And why not?"
"Because you're already in the Navy!"

[Inchessi]

Every Friday Bubba would cook up venison on the grill. Now most of his neighbors were of the Catholic denomination. Every Friday they would abstain from meat, and suffer through the delicious aroma. They were at wits end, and asked the Father to step in. After much conversation, he eventually talked Bubba into the Catholic faith, and Thursday night, he blessed Bubba with "Bubba, you were born a Presbyterian, and you have lived a Presbyterian, now with great pride I baptize you a Catholic!"

Friday night rolled around, and the congregation smelled the delectable aroma of venison. The Father got the news and ran over to Bubba's house, as he got around back to the grill, he saw Bubba sprinkle beer over the venison saying:
"You was born a deer, you lived as a deer, But I baptize you as a catfish."

[macwilkin]

Post deleted.

[Big Mikey]

But rook takes bishop and king is in check.

[Mike_Oettle]

Big Mikey wrote: “But rook takes bishop and king is in check.”

Very apt!
But what comes to mind is the story of the motorcar salesman who sold new cars to three clergymen: a Roman Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbi.
On Saturday afternoon he went round to see how his customers liked their vehicles.
At the presbytery the housekeeper told him Father was out in the garage. The salesman found the door shut, but found a window and peered in, to see the priest sprinkling holy water on the engine.
At the manse, the minister’s wife again said the salesman should go to the garage, and again the garage was shut. So he peered through a smaller window and saw the minister with the engine disassembled, each part being washed in a bowl of water.
At the rabbi’s house, the rebbetzin also sent the salesman to the garage, but for a third time the door was shut. He struggled to find a window, but eventually got up to a tiny skylight – where he saw the rabbi at the back end of the car, sawing the tip of the exhaust pipe off!

That’s all, folks!
Ciao,
Mike