Irish Humour

[Lallans]

Someone today reminded me of a joke that is well known, they say, in Ireland:

A tourist gets lost in Belfast and darkness finds him wandering around what is obviously one of the more dangerous areas. Suddenly, someone comes up behind the tourist and sticks a gun in his ribs and he hears the whispered question "So, Stranger, be ye a Catholic or be ye a Protestant?"

Thinking fast, the tourist replies "Actually, I'm neither. I'm Jewish!"

"Sure," the gunman says "but then are ye a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"

[piperdbh]

Och...

[beloitpiper]

Hilarious.

[O'Callaghan]

The old jokes are the best. I do believe that I saw Dave Allen tell that one on the BBC television about a million years ago. Still funny, though. The way he told it the central character wasn't a tourist, but a young Jewish schoolboy who lived in Belfast, stopped by older and bigger kids halfway down an alley (not armed with guns). Yes, there are Jews in Ireland. These days you can find plenty of Buddhists there too.

As to Dave Allen, a little research by way of Google reveals that his real name was David Tynan O'Mahoney, 1936-2005. I didn't know he was dead, may he rest in peace, but that joke is a lot more than five years old. I left England twenty years ago, for one thing.

I keep thinking of things to add to this post and editting it. I have a vague idea that there was also an American comedian of the same or similar name, but that's a completely different guy.

[Lallans]

Another probably modern version has the stranger saying "I'm an atheist!" and then the question comes back 'Sure, but is it a Catholic God you don't believe in, or is it a Protestant God you don't believe in?"

[thescot]

Mrs. Mcguinty meets Father Paddy, and he says, "Sure, now, didn't I marry ye two about a year ago? And do ye have a wee one yet?"

'No, not yet, " she replies.

Two years later the same thing happens. "No, not yet, Father Paddy, " she answers.

"Well, I'll light a candle for ye while I'm in Rome next month," he says.

Several years later, they meet once again, and Father Paddy asks about children.

"Well, now, don't I have two sets of twins--two boys and two girls--and aren't there six singles making for ten children in all."

"Well, glory to God," says Father Paddy, "and how is your husband?"

"He's gone to Rome to blow our yer candle," she answers.

[CDNSushi]

The version of the OP joke that I heard had a slightly different punch line.

When the poor bloke answers "I'm Jewish," there's a long pause and the attacker says: "Man, I must be the luckiest Muslim in all of Belfast!"