A Pre-Christmas Warning

**Big Mikey** · 22nd December 09, 11:50 AM

The Week Before Christmas

It was the week before Christmas, it was snowy and cold,
“Get those damn lights up!” is what I was told.

“Yes my love, right away.” I replied with a wink.
But oh no, where are they? OK, stop and think.

It was St. Pats when I took them down,
That great tangled mess that lay on the ground.

Some went in boxes and some went in bags,
Some stored with gift wrap and leftover tags.

Did they go in the basement or up in the attic?
Oh gee, I don’t know. It’s now time to panic.

“Uh, honey, you know, those old lights were a bore.
I’ll go get some new ones at the Christmas light store.”

“OK dear.” she said, “And hurry back home
but see if they have a light-up Christmas gnome.”

At the store, strings of lights, multi-coloured and plain,
Toy soldiers and angels and striped candy canes.

It was very confusing, I was totally lost.
I told the clerk “One of each. To heck with the cost.”

I loaded my purchases into the car
I felt so good I stopped at the bar.

A hot rum and some hot wings to get myself ready
And one more hot rum to get my hands steady.

When I arrived home feeling all warm and cheery
My wife inquired why my eyes were so bleary.

“It’s just Christmas spirit.” I said with a smile.
“The new lights will be up in just a short while.”

The kids came to help as I tottered around
And carefully laid the lights on the ground.

We tested each string to be sure that they lit
And tried all the plugs to ensure a snug fit.

I only had one extension to use
But that was OK, it needed no fuse.

Five thousand lights all strung end to end
So I gathered the family and some of our friends.

I prepared to plug in and banish the night,
Then a huge puff of smoke and a great blinding light.

“Oops.” said I as the whole block went dark.
“But I’m OK, it’s alright, not even a mark.”

Now we sit at the hotel dejected and tired,
It’ll be two days till our house is rewired.