Things Confucius did NOT say.

[Lallans]

(I got this as a supposed series of Confucian sayings but I'm not going to dishonour one of the truly great men of history that way so I inserted the 'NOT'.)

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY. . ......

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

[Bugbear]

Confucius say, James Legge and other translations of Confucius sayings are in public domain and on web.

[The Thirsty Viking]

Child conceived in backseat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.

[Tony]

Personal favorites:

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

Man who cooks carrots and peas in same pot unsanitary!

[CDNSushi]

Personal favourite: Man with both feet on ground cannot wear pants.

[thescot]

Man who loses key to girlfriend's apartment ge no new key.

[morrison]

Man who lies on hill, not on level.

[Bugbear]

All right, just to be a geek, I have been rereading The Analects because of this thread.

[tkdog]

Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bankok

[Homer]

Man who tries to run uphill only ends up falling down.