A Dissapointing conversation

[Canadian_Kilt]

Alright so this is something I didn't expect to have to post, but I'm having difficulties with my significant other regarding kilts.

Now first, let me explain my 'intent' with kilts. I've always thought kilts were great and always said I would wear one for my wedding. It never occured to me that they could be worn casually or especially daily. I don't intend to wear them daily. I like Kilts alot, I intend to wear them occasionally, and for special occasions. So while I don't want to wear them every day, I certainly expect there will be days when I just feel like wearing one, and will. But I like some variety in my wardrobe and I do enjoy wearing pants and suits as well as kilts.

WHY I want to wear a kilt has more to do with respect for my family and a display of my heritage than anything. It's something I've taken a great interest in. The few times I've worn it out, I've done so with pride, and gotten nothing but positive feedback.

Anyways as I started learning about them and getting into a bit, my fiancee has always been very supportive. She loved (and still loves) the idea of me wearing my kilt at the wedding, and at formal occasions. However it turns out she's basically been supportive because she didn't I was serious about it past that. Basically, she feels that they are meant for formal occasions only, and that's it, and that wearing them outside of that is wierd - her comment was that no one would wear a tux on a normal day.

Some of this was very hurtful .. comments like being concerned about my mental health for thinking about wearing one on any regular basis. She says normal people just don't do that .. not even in Scotland! "It's basically a costume" she says. Basically thinks it would be embarrasing to be with me when I was wearing it. People that wear them every day just want to stand out and be different. All things I was very shocked, and obviously not very happy to hear.

I have tried to explain to her what it means to me, but unfortunately I'm not great with words and I had a hard time explaining it. She doesn't understand because she's never been exposed to it any other way. So I need to sort of sort out my reasons I guess and how to explain them to her. However, I also need to show her that she is wrong and that they are not intended for formal occasions only and can be worn for almost any purpose. I think she also needs to be shown that people's reactions to someone in a kilt are positive - not negative.

The unfortunate part was that part of my interest came from the fact that she had shown interest in it as well. Something that I could talk to her about and she would encourage and help me with. I thought she thought it was great - she was with the guy who wears the kilt! But instead it's more like "Oh great .. now I'm with a guy that wants to wear a kilt .. ". So sadly this conversation has certaintly tarnished it for me a bit.

This was as much of a vent as anything .. thanks for listening ..

It has been a very dissapointing evening.

[Tattoo Bradley]

Keep your chin up buddy. A lot of guys on here (myself included) have had resistence from the Mrs. My story sounds a lot like yours. She made the statement "it would be like me wanting to wear a ballroom gown out and about..." Um, no. I explained to her it was not the same, and that I wouldn't be wearing a Prince Charlie and bowtie out and about. She's still not thrilled about the heavy kilting. (I can't full time due to safety reasons at work.) In fact, I think she would rather I forget all this "kilt nonsense" and go back to trousers. I've been known to get really into something and then lose interst as quickly as I found it. Sort of flashes in the pan so-to-speak. But, she knows how adiment I am about my heritage. So, if she hasn't figured it out yet, she will: the kilts are here to stay. After some jokes and negative comments, I simply told her that if she was going to act that way to just keep quiet. She agreed and requested me to not talk to her about the new tartan I found, or a "great" sporran I ran across. Fair enough. She'll come around. She always does. I can't speak for your fiance. But, this has worked me and my Mrs.

Oh, and she's known as "... married to the tattooed guy who wears the KILT..." I'm not sure what her displacement is on that.

[slohairt]

Dia Dhuit!

Ah, women...what can you do? She'll come around if it's that important to you. My wife was a bit sceptical at first, until she saw me wearing it casually. She did, however, grow tired about hearing about all things kilted some time ago!

P.S. Perhaps you could draw an analogy to the times when women first started wearing trousers. I'm sure many men didn't want to be out and about with their trousered wife!

[Big Mikey]

I must be the exception. It was my wife that first turned me on to kilts. Due to my job, I can't wear a kilt at work but on my days off that's all I wear. My wife thinks I look great in a kilt and has supported my purchases (3 casuals and two dress models). As far as standing out and being different, at 6 foot two and three hundred pounds and tattooed, I already stand out but kilted, I look a damn sight better. Hang in there.

[Monkey@Arms]

CK, if you do some forum searching you'll find a lot of us have gone through this with our partners/wives/whatevers. See for example these two threads (1) (2), which offer some advice, and will at least make you feel less alone.

Wearing a kilt casually (and in many places even formally) is outside the current norm, and it seems there's bound to be some resistance more oft than not. Give her time and pick your battles.

Best regards,

Jake

[Mr. Kilt]

My wife wasn't terribly thrilled with the idea of my kilt wearing in the beginning. After awhile she started to realize that it wasn't the end of the world, and now she is shocked if I grab a pair of jeans instead of a kilt.

If your financee needs to see kilts being worn as "everyday" clothing, perhaps we should set up a get-toether at a pub or something. I wear mine all the time. She and my wife could discuss the idea as well. Might help!

[cessna152towser]

I think she has to learn that kilts aren't just formal wear in the way a tuxedo or a ball gown would be. I wear kilts formally and casually; yes you will see me dressed for a special occasion in my bright red and white tartan kilt with Argyle jacket, silver banded sporran, the flashes, sgian-dhu etc. but if I'm just going out to the shops I'll wear a self colour or dark tartan kilt with matching hose, a plain leather sporran, no flashes on the garters and no sgian-dhu, and team it with a polo top or in winter a fleece jacket.

[Nanook]

Basically, she feels that they are meant for formal occasions only,

She is right. They are not for working on the farm, digging ditches, swimming, riding a horse in a race, cleaning windows of a high rise building and all kinds of other activities or occasions.
Neither are suits or, more comparable, sports coats and "dress slacks" (kilt with a tweed jacket).

Kilt=Woolen dress slacks

Walking about in town is an "occasion" that has its own rules and forms of etiquette.
In much of American society the normative style is either as an itinerant day laborer (albeit perhaps with "designer labels") or an escapee from aerobic class. And once in town the "cool" folks are seen holding some coffee in a paper cup and a muffin from Starbucks and the others wolfing down a hamburger from Wendy's or some other chain...

and that wearing them outside of that is wierd -

To be well dressed in breeches or a kilt for a walk is perhaps "wierd" in much of American (and European) society today but its odd that having a snake tattooed across the face, with burn marks ("branding") and having fangs protruding from their nose and an assortment of odd objects reemed into ("piercings") and under ("implants") flesh is de-rigueur (also in Scotland)?

her comment was that no one would wear a tux on a normal day.

A tuxedo is not day wear. Morning and afternoon have different styles. My main take against the tuxedo is that most are of very poor quality and workmanship.
In my youth I did for a while wear a tux and public school tie as my "everyday" garb as "intellectual punk". So the follies of youth.

Some of this was very hurtful .. comments like being concerned about my mental health for thinking about wearing one on any regular basis. She says normal people just don't do that .. not even in Scotland!

Has she been to Scotland? And who are the "normal" people she means? The Asian selling fish and chips in Glasgow? Or the people living along the Spey? One can, of course, argue that Saxons like kilt "poster child" Charles Mountbatten-Windsor (aka. "HRH Prince Charles of Edinburgh") are not "normal" but hardly "weird".

Clothing is not just functional or we'd all be walking about in grey Chairman Mao suits or burlap bags and there would not be a multi-billion (over $200 billion USD) market for clothing. There is.

[davedove]

She's right that people don't wear the tux as daily wear, but you can't dress down a tux very well. I wouldn't go around in the Prince Charlie and bow tie all the time either, but you can dress down the kilt.

Show her the pics on this board, especially those of casual kilt wearing. If nothing else, showing her this board will let her know that you're not the only "strange" one out there.

[sorcererdale]

This isn't a reply to help you, but just a comment about my wearing the kilt. I started out just wearing it to church on once and a while when we would go out. Now it is sometimes 2 - 3 times a week. The other day at a Christmas party while I was talking to a another group of people, I saw my wife pointing, at what I thought was my kilt, while she was talking to some others.

Later I asked what she was pointing at and if it was about my kilt. She stopped what she was doing, looked at me, and said, "Oh, you have your kilt on. I have gotten so used to it that I didn't know if you did or not."

So start wearing it once and awhile and maybe she will get as used to it as my wife is.

DALE.