The Scots stand out.

[cck]

...The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.


Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

[frank_a]

Yes, I got this through email a week ago, and meant to post it here. Threat level raised from pissed off to let's get the bastards. Gotta love it.

Frank

[Grizzly]

Hilarious, and will be hiding under the stairs anticipating a nationalistic backlash. Now I live in a bungalow and am having problems locating the stairs. Dagnabbit!!!!

[Nile]

I was chuckling all the way to the following, then I started laughing out loud to the point of my co-worker inquiring about my sanity.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Can't fault that observation from the tower!

I really enjoyed that; thanks for posting.

Nile

[Liam]

I'm still chuckling!

[MacGumerait]

Nile , Liam ,

Ditto !!! I started out chuckling and am still laughing .

Grizzly ,

I didn't realize folks across the pond used the term " Dagnabbit " . Perhaps we are not " two countries separated by a common language " after all .

[Father Bill]

Rather disdainful of some good people . . . .

[cck]

Rather disdainful of some good people . . . .

Humor is a problem when it focuses on an individual or group. My apologies to any who may have been offended. My intention was to show the view of the Scots. To my knowledge, this was not written by a Scot.

[Liam]

Humor is a problem when it focuses on an individual or group. My apologies to any who may have been offended. My intention was to show the view of the Scots. To my knowledge, this was not written by a Scot.

As a comedian John Cleese tend to poke fun at himself and his fellow Englishmen and others in a way that I doubt many are truly offended. If you are offended, perhaps thicker skin is in order, or at least put on your 16 oz. kilt for protection.

[sydnie7]

In various forms, this has circulated the 'Net for several years. IIRC it has been posted at XMarks at least once in the past with similar discussion following. BTW it was not penned by John Cleese (see Snopes and, according to them, Cleese's own website).

Things to remember:

Humor is a very personal matter, difficult to convey in the ether.

This is an international forum with members from each of the many nations mentioned.

How would you react to an "ugly American" version of this material?