Kilt Check Rules

[davedove]

Off and on, there has been discussions on kilt checks and kilt lifts. Here's something I found from the Maryland Chapter of the International Wenches Guild:

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Kilt-Checks.*
*(But Were Afraid to Ask.)



Ah, the kilt-check. Famed in song and story, it's a renfaire traditon of sorts, much to the amusement of some, and trepidation of others. *G* Let me be absolutely clear on one thing though, you are *not* obligated, as a Wench to perform them. If someone tries to pressure you in to giving one when you aren't comfortable with it, tell the idiot to "go soak their head in the privy." End of story. However, if you'd like to be able to give a *proper* kilt check but are unsure of how to go about it in a way that won't get you slugged or tossed out of the faire, keep reading.

During A Wench Walk
During a Wench Walk, kilt-checks (if called for) are performed only by the Walk Leader, unless the kilt-wearing gentleman has an S.O. amongst the wenches walking. The Check shall be performed according to the procedures listed below.

Outside of the Walk
Outside of a Wench Walk, I personally suggest only perfoming checks in areas of the faire that are less frequented by children, I.E. the pubs. I myself generally prefer a less trafficked corner of the pub or somewhere there is no clear line-of-sight to other areas of the faire. I have also asked the kilted gentleman's friends to form a discreet "wall" with their bodies in order to keep possible spectators down to a minimum. It's all about respecting other guests of the faire who may have no wish to *see* a kilt check or have their children witness such a thing.. Be aware of your surroundings. Be aware of who's watching.

The Handy How-to Guide
Now, let's go over the proper procedures:

1) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get the check-ee's permission!
(and if the gent is with a lady, get her permission too!)
And remember "no" means NO! If he's not interested, let it go.

2) Check the immediate area to make sure NO
impressionable children are watching or close by.

3) Stand behind the gentleman and place your
hand on the OUTER side of his knee.

4) Slide your hand up the OUTER thigh,
feeling for underwear material (example: boxers)
Use your free hand to make sure his kilt doesn't
"ride up" while you do this.

4a) For a even more decorous check, run the edge of your
thumbnail up the outer thigh, OUTSIDE of the kilt,
feeling for the "speed bump" that indicates undies.

5) Don't be all day about it! A 5 to 10 count "up",
5-10 count "at the top", 5-10 count "down" should be
more than sufficent! It's not as if we're hoping to find
the ark of the covenant up there, 30 seconds and
the job *should* be done, even with "lingering".

6) If the man is indeed regimental (meaning you felt no
undergarment material) then declare him to be so and present
the blue ribbon.The ribbon should be tied to his outer garments
or around his arm, not...er...THERE.

("Ribbon tying" as written in the song the "Scotsmans Kilt"
is something best done privately, "backstage" only, so as not to
frighten the fairegoing public.)

Big, Honking "NO-NOs"

DO NOT:
Lift or "flip up" the gentleman's kilt.
Lay down in the road to look up his kilt.
Use your hands to go under his kilt and grab the family jewels.
"We are checking to see if he's regimental, NOT checking to see if he's MALE!"
DONT EVER give a kilt-check without the gentleman's *express* permission.

In Closing
Kilt-checking is an amusing traditon that can be flirtatious fun, if you find it so. It also needs to be carried out with a care for the check-ee and any witnesses. Our ability to play our "Reindeer Games" at MDRF is a *privilidge* extended to us by the management, not a right. If a fellow patron complains to the management about us, that privilidge can be withdrawn. Ladies, remember that your actions represent our entire guild (whether you like it or not). Please keep in mind that men usually don't like to be manhandled any more than you do. (if you don't believe me, go into the a.f.r. archives to research some of their feelings on this matter). Respect the checkee, the other patrons and most of all, yourself. *G*

Happy wenching!
-Keltik
IWG 1040
Madame, Local 42

Important Footnote!!
The procedures and suggestions listed above are valid for MDRF only!
Be *Extremely* circumspect about kiltchecking at other faires,
There are many faires where *any* form of public kiltchecking is inappropriate!!!!
Find the local madame for the faire you are visiting to find out what's appropriate at that faire.
If you can't find such a person....then *don't* kilt check!



Keeping to the rules above, the Kilt Check can be a fun and flirtatious activity. Breaking them, especially the part about consent, is terribly disrespectful, and possibly illegal!

[JBfromBS]

Those rules seem to be spot-on! Too bad the print would be so small if applied to a T-shirt.

Joe

[cavscout]

Sooooooo that nice lady DID NOT have the authority to detain me for 5 pints while awaiting results?

[Graham]

so many words! but so little real meaning!

[Riverkilt]

I like the concept of the outside the kilt kiltcheck...makes a lot more sense...course I should be able to do the same to the wench...fair is fair...

Ron

[Archangel]

tacky, really puts me off of renfairs.

[bubba]

The entire point of it is the emphasis on "get permission" and "no means no". Strikes me as adding some control on such a practice. Were I asked the answer would be no but others might have no problem with it. If those "rules" are followed it means only the willing get kilt checked. This is bad how?

[Niblox]

1. Get him onto a mirrored dance floor at parties, weddings, etc

2. Get him to walk over one one of those air vents in the floor (like Marilyn Monroe in "The Seven Year Itch"

At least you can't be accused of the laying on of hands!!

[Shay]

3. Be the one who bought him the kilt in the first place and claim immediate givebacks.

By the bye, there is also 'bodice checks' in which wenches are asked to ensure their foremost assets are properly fluffed and laced, if anyone wants a little payback.

Ask your local wenches' union for details, group participation, and availability. Not valid in all states. Do not attempt to eat. No warranty is extended in this offer. I like cheese.

[Kiltman]

Shay, Now we're talking.