a son? yeah, right...

**AckZel** · 11th January 06, 03:37 PM

I've been seeing this perfect girl for a couple of weeks now. I have had very nice time with her. I have kept wondering why she doesnt ask me to visit her apartment. Yesterday she told me she has a son! 2,5 years old. I was quite shocked about it. Now I don't know what to do. I have been dating a single parent before once also. Now I'm not sure if I want to start it all over again. Damn this is disturbing. Just had to share it with somebody and maybe you have any good ideas what to do now. I really like the girl and I like children also but to start substitute parenting... well... hard time

**bubba** · 11th January 06, 03:44 PM

Ackwell, you like the lady and should go ahead and meet the son. You never know, it might turn out very nicely. A friend of mine married a widow with 3 kids and has never been happier. Having only been seeing her a few weeks it's pretty early to tell so just go with the flow and see how things develop.

**AckZel** · 11th January 06, 03:51 PM

Yeah... but Im only 22... :P

**Colin** · 11th January 06, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by Ackwell

Yeah... but Im only 22... :P

Only you can make this decision. Having a kid is a lot of responsibility especially at a young age. My son was born when I was 24. It is a lot of work and a big commitment.

Having said that, I can not remember the empty live I lead before my son and daughter were born. Despite the religious, philisophical, and scientific reasoning, to me the meaning of life is to pass on our knowledge to the next generation and to nurture them and prepare them for life (you don't have to be a parent to do this either).

I do have an issue with the fact that you have been seeing this girl for a few weeks and she has not mentioned it in the past. Being up front with someone and ending it that night due to the situation is always easier than a few weeks later when both parties have a bit more invested in the relationship. Kudos to her for raising her son on her own though. I could not imagine being a single parent.

If you really like the girl, don't hold the fact that she is a parent against her. Some of the best things in life happen to us when they are not planned or expected. This could be the path in life that will make you the happiest and most fullfilled.

Of course if you can't see yourself following this path at this time in your life, that is your call and one to not be ashamed of. Good knows I couldn't have done it at 22.

Good Luck, mate. That's a lot to absord.

**auld argonian** · 11th January 06, 03:52 PM

...and get the kid a kilt. If you really dig her, that'll score you big points!

Best

AA

**Valencian Kilted** · 11th January 06, 03:52 PM

and after saying this,.... just offer her a kilt for the kid,... and wait for her reaction!, that will make things more easy for u to decide! ;-)

¡Salud!

T O N O

**Robin** · 11th January 06, 03:54 PM

Ouch!

Well...you must have a good chat with her for sure...it's only a few weeks you hardly know eachother.

Love is the most beautiful thing of the human race...but it's never easy.

Nobody can tell you what you should do...do what you think is right....no hurry.

I wish you all the best...it's indeed a disturbing "surprise".

**bikercelt1** · 11th January 06, 04:03 PM

Parenting is a thing of the Heart, not a thing of the genes. If you like this girl you may well like her son. You don't have to make a commitment just to meet the lad and you might be closing a door on two potentially meaningful relationships if you walk away without even considering it. It is a "shock" to find out after a couple of weeks that she has a son, but I'll bet she's had the experience of shallow guys who walked away right off the bat just because she told them of the son right up front.

Jamie

**possingk** · 11th January 06, 04:05 PM

I have been in the situation before I started dating my wife, the woman and I had an agreement, I would not meet the children until we had decided to take the relationship somewhere that required it. This was relatively easy because she has split custody with her husband, I don't know if that is your case. The nice thing is that it kept the relationship between her and i, when things didn't work out, I was breaking up with her not her and children I became attached to. We dated for about a year. We are still friends and I think I might have met the children a time or two, but it was always this is my friend. Just my eperience it may not work the same for you.

**Colin** · 11th January 06, 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by possingk

I have been in the situation before I started dating my wife, the woman and I had an agreement, I would not meet the children until we had decided to take the relationship somewhere that required it. This was relatively easy because she has split custody with her husband, I don't know if that is your case. The nice thing is that it kept the relationship between her and i, when things didn't work out, I was breaking up with her not her and children I became attached to. We dated for about a year. We are still friends and I think I might have met the children a time or two, but it was always this is my friend. Just my eperience it may not work the same for you.

A very good friend of mine was in a similar situation. They dated for about 3-4 months before the children were introduced to the relationship regularly. This seemed to work for awhile. Unfortunately when they went a step further and moved in together, the relationship had more strain and ended up breaking up. A mothe ris very commited to her children and not taking that into account from the start can be a huge downfall. The child is part of who this woman is and ignoring that is not really getting to know this woman. Finding ways to enjoy and grow a relationship with a single parent is easy, but you have to do it from the begining.

The kid has likely already had some disappointment in their lives (mommy and daddy aren't together after all) so it won't tramatize him for life if you and his mother don't work out. Let her decide how to introduce the situation as she will know her kid better than anyone.