Best quips/retorts to Kilt questions...

[UmAnOnion]

Greetings all,
this is inspired by the advice support thread started by Berry, in that he seemed to be a bit lost in how to deal with the comments directed to him by the less enlightened.

I figure the more seasoned kilt wearers might have a few good retorts - some gentle some not - that can be used to defuse an uncomfortable situation (or to put someone in thier place)

Best i have seen on here so far is: "Crushed nuts are for ice cream sundaes!" courtesy of Al Gingles/Al G Sporrano.
I tend to take a more direct : "ITS A KILT, G** D****T!" & "What part of KILT is confusing you?"
In resposne to "why is it called a kilt" : "Because thats what happened to the lasyt person who called it a skirt"
I have heard the question of "what are you wearing under your that?" answered in a variety of ways:

"Nothing is worn - everything is in perfect working order"
"Wouldnt you like to know"
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours"
"Your girlfriend's lipstick"
"My shoes"
"Do you always ask such personal questions?"
and my fav - "why dont you go under there & find out..."

Care to share any others that might help Berry (and other newbies) in sticky situations???

[cessna152towser]

My replies to the very few folk who have asked what's under the kilt are :- "I'd prefer to keep you guessing", or "granny pants", both of which have ended discussion of the subject.

[Robin]

When my wife is there...she likes to answer the question:

"I know...that's enough, don't you think?"

[millar]

I love the one I think Bear came up with "How warm are your hands?"

[James]

Best to just ignore such questions-as beneath one's dignity to deign a response.

James

[Blu (Ontario)]

Here is a sampling of actual quips I've recieved had over the past few years along with some answers that worked.

Quip - What's up with the skirt?
Retort - What's up with the bad haircut?

Quip - Where's your bagpipes?
Retort - Same place as yours. (To a man)
- Same place as your fathers' (to a woman)

Quip - So are you gay or what?
Retort - Sorry... You'll have to look elsewhere!

Quip - Nice skirt!
Retort - It should be for $500.

Quip - Are you scotch?
Retort - No but I drank some last night!

Quip - Are you a "true Scot"?
Retort - Is there any other kind?

Quip - Are you playing bagpipes today?
Retort - No, but I'm playing poker later!

Quip - Did you lose a bet?
Retort - I won... the loser has to wear jeans!

There's a few others I can't remember at the moment. I find that most quips are pretty stupid and mostly confined to the "skirt - bagpipe" group. Easily demolished.

[michael steinrok]

I love the one I think Bear came up with "How warm are your hands?"

now that one talks Balls! One of my favorites , when the woman is attractive is "I could tell you but, then I,d have to marry you!"

[Southern Breeze]

This one always confuses them-"Can you handle attaining Satori"?

[Frank McGrath]

My favorite comeback to the question,"Do you play the Bagpipes" is, Some one has to drinkk while the pipers are piping! I wore my kilt to the my companies party and got a committment from the owner to wear a kilt at the next party.

Frank McGrath

[Mike n NC]

When my wife is there...she likes to answer the question:

"I know...that's enough, don't you think?"

I love it! My wife usually responds with something like: "Don't ask, he might show you!"

Mike