Too Much Too Soon?

[Reggie]

It all started when I wore my SWK Nightstalker kilt to work on St. Patricks day with the blessing of my most immediate superior. I got quite a few positive responses, and said that I might wear another kilt on one of our "casual Fridays". It should be mentioned that my immediate superior is "kilt friendly" and said that since the dress code does not specifically mention kilts, that as far as she was concerned, wearing the kilt on "casual Friday" was ok, if I was professional about it.
I have a multi-tiered level of superiors that I work for, in a professional medical setting, and work with the public. My "chain of command" is really somewhat confusing, and difficult to explain, but I am required to please each one governing different areas of my profession.
One of my other superiors approached me on Monday and said that I was not to wear a kilt anymore, at any time. This launched us into a rather protracted, and marginally tense, discussion concerning the matter, with the bottom line being that I believe a kilt to be a mans garment, not unprofessional, and I felt that the double standard of allowing women to wear trousers or skirts, and men being only allowed to wear trousers was discriminatory. Of couse, the same old tired line of "in our culture" and "you can wear kilts in your off time" were offered as excuses and/or reasons. Exasperated, she said that she would set up a meeting for me to discuss this with the committee members that decide these issues if I wanted to take it that far. I said that I would appreciate that, and the meeting has been set for Friday afternoon. Until then, I must obey the dress code, and not wear any kilts.
I discussed this with my wife, whom I admire and respect as the best advisor, help mate, and friend that I could ever have been blessed with. She thinks that I have taken things to far. That I am running the risk of being percieved as unhappy, disgruntled, or at best, a trouble maker, and should drop the issue. The world is not going to change overnite according to my whims, and the fact that I wear kilts everywhere I go is a statement in and of itself that should suffice for now. Basically, it's too much, too soon for our society right now. I should mention that she has always been supportive of my kilt wearing, and she's never been shy about being with me in a kilt.
Since then, a committee meeting has been going on in my head almost non-stop. I think about the struggle for the womens vote, the courage of the few women who disobeyed cultural rules and wore trousers in public for the first time. I am old enough to remember the fight to be able grow long hair, the resistance to that change that we, as men, went through. I think about how I went overseas to fight in a war to defend our freedom, and that Ghandi said, "Be the change that you want to see in the world". I think of the freedoms that women are allowed in society, denied to men, and the dwindling all male societies that have fallen by the wayside because of female opposition. I wonder about my own courage, and how far I'm willing to take this, and also my obligation to provide an income for my family.
I have to agree with her that I am running a risk with my employer. Although I am a technical expert in my field, in short supply at this time, I remember what my Dad always said that "The graveyards are filled with men who believed that they could not be replaced".
Am I going to far with this? Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? Is it too much too soon? Am I a stupid ***, living in my mind in some parallel universe? Why can't I just let this go? It's the principle of the thing, isn't it?
I will be checking back to this thread over the next few days for advice from this great kilted community, and going over past posts on this subject. Any advice given shall be deeply appreciated.
Highest regards,
Reggie

[pdcorlis]

Tough one Reggie... I'm not sure I can offer you any real good advice about your career decisions here but I will point out a few things that strike me from your post.

First - there is a committee set up to hear issues like this, so I'm guessing you're not the first to find yourself at odds with a supervisor.

Second - Remember it's as much about how you say something as what you say. As long as you discuss "your side" of the issue clearly, calmly, and rationally there is little for them to find fault with. You might point out the lack of a dress code regulation regarding kilts.

Finally - be sure to listen carefully to what they have to say. Resond to any concerns they may have (modesty, conformity, safety, etc.) and be sure they understand your choice to wear a kilt is not a symbol of defiance.

Good Luck - I'm sure others will offer better advice than I can come up with.

[Prester John]

I never defy my wife, and I am the most happily married man I know.

Especially if she has wisdom. Good luck. It'll work out.

[Moosehead]

#1 question to ask: are the women allowed to wear pants? If the answer is yes, then they cannot forbid you from wearing a kilt. What is good for the goose, is good for the gander.

[GMan]

Reggie,

Work dynamics are very strange indeed. I think that delving into the dress code may be the way to go, to really find out if Kiltts are not appropriate, and see it in writing.

Jobs can be replaced, work can usually be had, new jobs can be created by you. However the help mate that you mentioned, remember that wives are keepers.

[Yaish]

And go armed with knowledge, and not just in your head.

Use the time between then and now and print off several copies of similar kilted companies, examples like the Highland Water articles, official instances of the kilt being worn, etc...

Show them that its not really all that uncommon, and when it does get noticed it is almost invariably a positive thing.

[The Supreme Canuck]

Also, you may want to show them that wearing a kilt does not make you look unprofessional. I wouldn't recommend wearing it to the meeting (that could inflame things), but you may want to have visuals ready. Bring pictures, the kilt itself, etc.

[Angus MacSpey]

Reggie,

Jobs can be replaced, work can usually be had, new jobs can be created by you. However the help mate that you mentioned, remember that wives are keepers.

This is, of course, keeping in mind that the female mentality is more geared toward security. Women are not nearly as willing as men to take risks that can result in greater reward. Probably 99.9 per cent of wives out there would rather their husbands slog off to the same drudgery every day of their lives for a small but consistent paycheck, than to support him in a venture that could result in a much higher standard of living for her. She would sooner keep what she has than take the risk.

(And don't hassle me about making generalizations here. I've seen it too much.)

To take a slightly different tack, I would submit that since the very dawn of civilization there have been bosses and slaves. If you work for a paycheck, if your boss tells you when to show up, when to go home, when to take lunch, when to go to the bathroom, when to take a smoke break, what to wear, etc., then you are a slave. If you are the one setting the rules, you are a boss.

So, if you value the security of a consistent paycheck (although in today's economy there really is no job security), then you must submit to the rules of your employer. If I was your boss and you pushed me too far, I'd get a more obedient slave. Just be glad you're only fired and not flogged for your insolence.

If you want to make your own rules, then you become a boss.

Admittedly, this is a rather extreme way to paint this conflict, but hopefully should serve well to illustrate my point.

(I would suggest to any young and single men out there - if you have ambitions of owning your own business, do it before you get married - lest you wind up a slave to The Man AND The Wife.)

[Yaish]

If you think you are your own boss, try ignoring the rules set forth by government, of not paying your taxes.

[flairball]

I wouldn't think you'd have to fear losing your job over this unless you became uncivil while meeting with the board. You have a legitimate request, and a kilt is a mans garment. In fact a kilt is probably the most versitile mens garment out there. A kilt can be worn super casual, to extremely formal, and everything in between.

I'd suggest keeping the tone of your presentation cool and professional. Keep all your points professional and on topic. I'd think it would help out to point out inconsistencies in the dress code too. When a decision is finally agreed upon get it in writing. Probably, should you lose, the decision which now have in writing could prove usefull in either exposing your employer as culturally/ethnically insensitive, or be used to force female employees back into skirts. I add this because they will either try to say it's not culturally significant, or it's not a male garment.

Also, keep an eye open for employees who violate the dress code for ethnic or religious reasons. Some one in another department might have been allowed to wear a turban in violation of a no hats policy for ethnic reasons.This would be hypocritical.

Lastly, remind the board that you are really only looking to wear the kilt on Fridays, when the dress code is relaxed anyhow.

I almost forgot, don't forget, you could notify the press.