What to do?

[cormacmacguardhe]

Not sure about the best course of action in this very bizzare situation. Our neighbors girlfriend has come over to our house and talked to my wife and the neighbor on the other side, she complains about being abused, but continues to spend weekends with him. She appears to me to be somewhat mentally disturbed herself, and if she is even half truthful about what is going on she could be in danger. But she continues to spend time with him.

[Big Dave]

Unless she's not willing to leave the guy, or even go to the cops, their isn't much you can do. :confused:

Now on the other hand, if you see the guy, go have a little talk with him , kilted of course, no one wants to get his @$$ kicked by a man in a kilt.

[bubba]

Honestly, there's nothing you can do. There's a reason cops dread domestic situations more than any other kind of call. Unless you actually witness a disturbance you can call the police about stay far away from it. It could be dangerous.

[Tattoo Bradley]

Honestly, there's nothing you can do. There's a reason cops dread domestic situations more than any other kind of call. Unless you actually witness a disturbance you can call the police about stay far away from it. It could be dangerous.

I comletely agree. You should indeed stay far FAR away from it all. I have a pretty big heart in situations like that too. But, these situations almost ALWAYS spew disaster.

[cormacmacguardhe]

those were my thoughts exactly, but I thought I would ask if anyone knew of any other course of action. Thanks for your advice.

[Rex_Tremende]

The woman does indeed sound troubled. If what she says is true, she may feel that she deserves whatever abuse her boyfriend metes out, but she would be wrong. Two things need to happen: she needs to remove herself from the situation, and she needs to understand that she is not at fault. It is likely that she will need professional help to accomplish both of these things.

Unless you witness violence perpetrated by the man against this woman, it is unwise for you actively involve yourself in the situation. If there is no visible evidence of abuse, how do you know she is not stirring up trouble, and in need a different kind of help?

However, you can be prepared to offer assistance if called on. If the abuse is real, her confessions are a call for help - maybe she is wishing someone would stage some sort of intervention. Still, not a good idea. Without disclosing identifying information, you can contact your local police to see if there exists in your community a victim's assistance organization, or contact your local women's shelter. Find out the right phone numbers for a victim to call and have them on hand for the next time she comes to visit. If the subject comes up again, your wife can let it be known she has numbers to call *IF* the woman wants them, but don't foist them upon her. The victim needs to understand that *she* is the person who must take action. Asking for the numbers is the first step in her taking responsibility for solving her own troubles.

Also, I'd like to suggest that this is probably not the best place to get advice - mine may be way off - and that your wife might speak to the aid groups in your community for how to handle this situation. They know from experience what works and can suggest ways to be supportive without enabling continued abuse.

Good luck,
Rex in Cincinnati

[Riverkilt]

Good golly, this is 2006. There's zero tolerance for domestic violence by law enforcement most everywhere. Domestic Violence agencies abound. If there's one in your area suggest you steer her to it, or take her by the hand and lead her to it. Support, therapy, crisis shelter, the works.....or even just the library or the Internet is full of advice on escaping domestic violence.


Ron