The usual problem

[Phil E. Begg]

The usual problem, with a twist. I had discussed kilts with my wife. She said I had great knees for it, was all in favor of it, et cetera. I bought several kilts, a couple of sporrans, et cetera, whilst I was on deployment in the desert. Went to a Celtic Festival, kilted, the day I got back. She thought I looked really nice.

THEN... I wore a kilt to dinner, more casually, once with friends (they thought it was great), once with the in-laws (they thought I had gone crazy in the desert)... Since then my wife has expressed disapproval-masquerading-as-concern, pretty much whenever the subject is mentioned. Needless to say, I haven't been out in a kilt since that time.

I explained to her that I would NOT treat the kilt as a costume, suitable only for wear to the Games, Ren-Faires, and on Halloween, so we are now at an impasse. She claims that it is only out of concern for me - she doesn't want me to be embarassed - but I am pretty sure she is afraid to be seen with me. I don't have a problem with it.

Any suggestions? I figure that one way to bring her around would be to be in a place where a man not in a kilt would look out of place, but I don't know any locally - are there kilt nights in the Baltimore/DC area?

Any help will be appreciated.

Thanks

Phil

[Livingston]

Not saying it is BUT, could it be that you received much more attention then she thought you would when wearing your kilt? Not knowing both of you personally, it is hard to say for sure what the reasoning might be.

[Don Patrick]

Any suggestions? I figure that one way to bring her around would be to be in a place where a man not in a kilt would look out of place, but I don't know any locally - are there kilt nights in the Baltimore/DC area?

Any help will be appreciated.
Phil

Not that I'm an expert in the matter, but I agree. You need to find an event where others are wearing the kilt. That might help you persuade her better. Also if you provided her e-mail address - maybe enough of us sending her our feelings in the matter might help you - time certainly would tell.

[Panache]

Is your kilted outfit casual, dressy, or formal?

She may have an image of one as OK but the others as either costume or cross dressing.

Perhaps saying when you are all dressed up in your finery makes you want to see her looking her best to take out on the town would be an encouragement to her. For most men the problem is trying to get them to dress nice.

Most important I think you should absolutely assure her how much you enjoy wearing your kilt and that you are really unconcerned by any possible comments that uninformed people might make. Then you should sincerely ask her about her concerns with you donning this attire. Talk it through with her, this is your wife and her feelings deserve respect.

Kilts are nice indeed, but they are just garments.

Given a choice between wearing kilts for special occassions and a happy marriage , or ruining my relationship with my beloved spouse I think I would follow that old chesnut of wisdom:

"It is better to be happy, than right"

Cheers

Jamie

[cavscout]

I have no answers, only to tell you, your not the only one in the boat.

[kiltedcarpenter]

In my case, it was my girlfriend that bought me my first kilt and she absolutely loves seeing me in it. I am at the point that when going out, it is kilted. I am sure at some point during this season, I will have to wear pants, but that is only for the lack of a PC. I hope that after showing your wife these posts and others, she will be less apprehensive about you being kilted.

Good Luck!

Fred

[TheKiltedWonder]

I know you missed the Alexandria Kilted Walk by a wek or two. But that just goes to show that there are a number of kilties around. I'm a ways down 95/64, but if given enough notice, I could drive up for a good cause, and I know there's a number of others on the board who live closer to DC. Try posting something in the kilt night section; If it's after the holidays I think you'll have more success at getting people to come. Good luck!

[Sealark]

I can provide no help whatsoever, I haven't received my kilt yet. But as for the Kilt night in Baltimore/DC area, I will show up for one after the holidays, Kilted. Always a pleasure to help a fellow member.

[Andrewson]

Yes it is a common problem. I have it too.

The short answer is: it takes time (and patience and understanding).

I think one of the issues is that women have a much greater sense of dressing to fit in with the company or occasion. They want to be very sure in advance that they are going to be dressed appropriately. Of course they'd like to stand out in company but, usually, in the sense that they are recognized as having done an exceptionally good job of dressing correctly for whatever the given event is rather than being out of step with everyone else. (Yes there are exceptions to every rule.)

Most men (generalizing again) take the view that they'll wear what they like and damn the consequences. There are definitely exceptions to this too, notably members of this forum who endlessly obsess about what are the right combinations of clothing for all sorts of events, but as a general rule the male attitude to dressing for occasions does differ from the female and the male is likely to be less worried by being caught out in the "wrong" clothes i.e. not matching what everyone else is wearing.

So your wife, and mine too, is out to protect you from the strong feeling of discomfort that she would feel if she was dressed differently from the rest. Mine has often said to me when I propose to wear a kilt to something she thinks is inappropriate "I don't know why you want to draw attention to yourself like that." She'd hate it. I don't care.

So she is perfectly happy for me to wear a kilt to Scottish things or as formal dress but not just to walk down to the local shops and especially not to walk down there with her.

I do understand - and I try to explain that it does not bother me. The point is it bothers her. So it is a matter of give and take. Sometimes I fall in with her wishes. Sometimes she has to fall in with mine.

It is gradually getting easier - especially now that most of the local community is used to seeing me kilted and she has had lots of opportunities to hear friendly (generally appreciative) responses from these people to me.

Softly softly is the only way.

[Jennifer D]

Any suggestions? I figure that one way to bring her around would be to be in a place where a man not in a kilt would look out of place, but I don't know any locally -

Maybe there's an Irish pub in the area? Or a place that various embassy workers hang out in their native dress? You could also think about joining your local St. Andrew's Society. You'll do some good work and meet other kilted folk and their families.

Good luck with your wife.