What am I doing wrong?

[jordanjm]

On Sunday I went to visit my in-laws kilted (First time in months.) As a result today my Mother-in-law informed my wife that I am no longer welcome kilted. It all stems from how I sit. Apparently 2 members of my wife's family informed the mother that they could see up my kilt some indefinite amount.

When I sit down, I do two things:

1) sweep the pleats.
2) make sure the front is covered, by pulling it down in front.

I want to get this right, because it is causing me problems. I am not trying to flash anyone. Every time I sit I check to make sure that is not the case. I am also not picking up the material in front, and flashing as I pull it down. I am pulling down what is already in front.

Thanks for your help.

[Big Homestead]

On Sunday I went to visit my in-laws kilted (First time in months.) As a result today my Mother-in-law informed my wife that I am no longer welcome kilted. It all stems from how I sit. Apparently 2 members of my wife's family informed the mother that they could see up my kilt some indefinite amount.

When I sit down, I do two things:

1) sweep the pleats.
2) make sure the front is covered, by pulling it down in front.

I want to get this right, because it is causing me problems. I am not trying to flash anyone. Every time I sit I check to make sure that is not the case. I am also not picking up the material in front, and flashing as I pull it down. I am pulling down what is already in front.

Thanks for your help.

If you make sure that you do those 2 things every time you sit down, then the problem could be 2 liars making up excuses to control what you wear.

Just to double check after I sweep the pleats, I punch around between the knees to push that fabric nice a low between the legs. No problems.

Best to ya on dealing with the in laws.....(if you know you do that kilt check every time you sit down, then people are making stuff up on your behalf and you should probably meet their champions by the garden shed to protect your good name that they are trying to sully). (kidding)

[Standard]

Watch Hammish's video on how to sit properly. I'd guess from what you said that you are not flashing them, but rather it is a couple of over-active imaginations fueled by a couple of people who are uncomfortable with something that is out of their ordinary mode of thinking. Good luck to you.

[auld argonian]

One would hope that you're wearing a sporran and that the sporran was weighting the material down as you sit...that helps.

...and if it would help to keep peace in the family, no one here is going to begrudge your wearing something like black boxer briefs to keep the strategic area obscured.

I honestly think that most of the bad reactions to kilties, such as the one that your mother in law is having, are based on the reactor having the idea that the kiltie is going regimental and thus is demonstrating a blatant disregard for the propriety of the reactor or anybody else in the tri-state area. Frankly, I really don't spend too much of my time worrying about the disposition of other peoples' nether regions, be they kilted or not, but apparently there are some people who do and we poor kilted folks must bear with their apprehension...hopefully with grace and good humor.

This is a perfect opportunity to try some behaviour modification, though. Express your genuine surprise that your mother in law has such feelings. Further express your genuine surprise that whoever ratted you out is such a total pervert that they were looking up your kilt. Say something like, "Well, this is an unfortunate turn of events, isn't it?" and then start finding excuses to not put in those appearances at your in-laws' place, kilt or no...let it be known that you are truly and deeply hurt that they would harbor such a low opinion of you and the national dress of your revered ancestors. Should they be coming over to your place, be kilted when they arrive but then excuse yourself and go change into trousers. Return to the company and don't say a word about it. It has now become "the elephant in the room". If anybody does bring it up, simply say, "I'm sorry, it's something that I would prefer not to discuss." and leave it at that. When mother in law is getting ready to leave, say your goodbyes before she exits and finish it with, "...well, excuse me, I have to go upstairs and change...bye." and go put your kilt back on.

Your situation is not too much different from one that I'm having with a very good friend (a woman) that I have. She doesn't like seeing me in the kilt. What the problem is, I'll never know. As I have told her when the question of any inappropriate parts of my anatomy becoming public domain arises, "I assure you that if I were to do a handstand right now, modesty would be preserved." She hosts lots of social events and actually asked me at one of them a while back, "How come you're not wearing your kilt?" to which I replied (very nicely), "Oh...I've decided that I'm only going to wear it for special occasions and to places where it's welcome." End of subject. It's a question of making it clear that I'm in control of the situation and making her think that her objections are silly and that I am the bigger person because I am letting the insult pass with grace. Bet your butt that when she comes over for my wife's birthday party next month I will be wearing a kilt, though.

Hope that my friend and your mother in law come around sometime but I think that it helps to let things sort of simmer for a while and let them realize that their objections are really trivial in the grand scheme of things.

Best

AA

[James MacMillan]

My Mother-in-law informed my wife that I am no longer welcome.

Six points:

#1 Immediately adopt the kilt as your full time form of dress.
#2 Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
#3 Accept her kind offering with grace and good demeanor!
#4 Your mother-in-law is right – you need not visit her ever again.
#5 This will solve many, many more problems, than you could even begin to think of!
#6 You are a very lucky man!

[Big Homestead]

Six points:

#1 Immediately adopt the kilt as your full time form of dress.
#2 Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
#3 Accept her kind offering with grace and good demeanor!
#4 Your mother-in-law is right – you need not visit her ever again.
#5 This will solve many, many more problems, than you could even begin to think of!
#6 You are a very lucky man!

HAHAHAHAHA, You funny s.o.b I'm trying not to laugh as to wake my house right now. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

[Ancienne Alliance]

Six points:

#1 Immediately adopt the kilt as your full time form of dress.
#2 Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
#3 Accept her kind offering with grace and good demeanor!
#4 Your mother-in-law is right – you need not visit her ever again.
#5 This will solve many, many more problems, than you could even begin to think of!
#6 You are a very lucky man!

Excellent !
Now I know what I have to do...

[caig]

I think that your mother in law is too hasty. If you had "a problem" when wearing your kilt, then the first thing somebody should have done was to have a quiet word in your ear. This person should have one of those who were flashed ( if that is in fact the case), or your mother in law herself. You could then have made whatever alterations to your posture that were necessary. To simply say ( and this was to your wife, not to you personally !) that you were banned from wearing the kilt, is just draconian.

I am not convinced that you have caused a problem. I think there is something objectionable in your mother in law.

[Cynthia]

I think that your mother in law is too hasty. If you had "a problem" when wearing your kilt, then the first thing somebody should have done was to have a quiet word in your ear. This person should have one of those who were flashed ( if that is in fact the case), or your mother in law herself. You could then have made whatever alterations to your posture that were necessary. To simply say ( and this was to your wife, not to you personally !) that you were banned from wearing the kilt, is just draconian.

I am not convinced that you have caused a problem. I think there is something objectionable in your mother in law.

I have to admit, that was my thought when I read your story. I guess I just don't understand the knee jerk reaction some folks have of "OH MY GOSH, I saw something I shouldn't have and am SOOOOO offended" instead of very simply saying (most likely to your wife) "uhh, dear? Could you possibly speak to your husband that he might need to be a little more careful with how he sits? I/we've been seeing a little too much of him... I just wanted to let you know" and then oh.... I don't know... making an effort to not look for the possibility of being flashed? If I think I'm about to get flashed by anyone other than my husband, I look away.

The fact that you've been banned from wearing the kilt outright does make me think there's a lot more to this than simply being flashed.

Then again, I don't know the situation or the people involved. I can of course only go by how I would react to actually being flashed (more than a simple occasional mistake, I would probably only really say something if I got flashed constantly by someone).

I agree that you should speak with your wife. Possibly test out how you sit, recreating any situations that might have been causing a the supposed exposure and see if she can see something. Keep in mind, if someone is really looking for it, they will probably see it, so try to be casual about it (both of you).

And then discuss with her what you should do about the situation.

Good luck with this.

[Ancienne Alliance]

I personaly avoid low sofas (...and they do give me a sore back anyhow !)