A dilemma

[Dulcius ex Asperis]

My first kilt is in on its way to my doorstep as we speak. (Jonesing in process)

While my motivation for buying it was otherwise, the timing worked out such that I was hoping to take it out for its first public appearance at the upcoming wedding of some good family friends. While talking with my parents recently I mentioned my plan and they were quite genuinely surprised, which surprised me. (part of my plan was for my son to wear his kilt which is arriving at the same time as mine) They indicated that it would be too attention-grabbing and detract from focus on the bride and groom.

Hmmm, I thought.

So I talked about it with my wife at home and she called some other friends to take a random survey to see what they thought. After confirming that the wedding was not a Scottish/Irish wedding they both thought it a bit much, too.

Hmmm, not good, I thought.

Got an email from someone else who knows the family friends and she thought it would all be fine.

Well, what to do, what to do? I thought.

So here I am soliciting thoughts from you all. Now, I'm not so foolish as to ask a kilt-wearing forum with international membership whether the kilt is appropriate for weddings. Your membership is an answer itself. What I am particularly curious about is anyone's experience at public events being the only one kilted where it turned out it was not deemed appropriate. And further, this would be in a North American (U.S. in particular--I think there's more latitude in Canada than down here) context. Normally I might just wear it anyway, but in this case I want to do my utmost to honor my friends above myself (which I thought I was doing by opting to wear a kilt). My wife is unsure of the value of soliciting opinions from people so obviously in favor of kilts. But I'm really after responses from people's outside the kilt-wearing community to your kilt wearing in non-"Scottish/Irish" functions. I have no experience and so I'd appreciate yours.

[tripleblessed]

You don't say how old your son is; if he's small, there'll definitely be an "aw shucks" cuteness factor in both of you in matching kilts. You'd have to be sure you'll be comfortable unveiling in such circumstances. If you are, then I would engineer a conversation with the happy couple, or the one you know best, and in the course of talking just mention the imminent arrival of the kilts. Then you could say, "Too bad you're not having a Scottish wedding, the kilts will be here soon enough to wear them". A negative response is your answer, "Hey that'd be cute, let me talk to (?) and see what he/she thinks" could be a maybe. Or it could be "I don't think so, but I don't want to hurt your feelings". Either way, it lets the bride make the decision. She may say she'll be hurt if you don't. If she's fine, nobody else has much room to carp.

[Riverkilt]

Simple answer - ask the bride. Some condiser it distraction to upstage them, others feel honored. Only she can give you the answer. All other surveys are meaningless.

[English Bloke]

I went to the wedding of of a very good friend of mine in Liverpool last year. I had my Kilt and accoutrements all sorted out in my mind and was raring to go but at the last minute I selected my very best suit and wore that instead.

On arrival at the wedding, all eyes were on my mate Karen and no-one so much as noticed the English Bloke in the jacket and trousers (She did look especially radiant mind). I was chatting to her later at the reception and she said she thought I was coming Kilted. I told I didn't want to detract from her day. Made me smile when she said she would have loved it and it would have added to the wedding.

I was flattered that she thought so and that she was kind enough to say it but for my own peace of mind I was happier in the clothes I'd chosen to wear. I didn't tell her this but I was certainly more comfortable that way at a non-Scottish doo.

I'd go with the suit mate. Kilts are great but they are not always the most appropriate clothing and unless you're an absolute die-hard, not the only option in a man's wardrobe. There will be plenty of other days for the Kilt.

[Duke of Delrio]

Riverkilt nailed it. The day belongs to the wedding couple, not to the wedding guests. No opinion or concensus matters but theirs. When I have had to deal with this question, I have always made sure the answer came from the bride.

In this part of the world, the idea of, "Oh, you should wear one of your kilts!", usually comes from someone in either the bride's or groom's family, and is usually followed with "She, he/they would really love it." Sometimes that may be true; and sometimes it is just flat-out mistaken.

A wedding guest is just that . . . a guest, and anything a guest would intentionally wear or do that is off-putting to the wedding couple is not just inappropriate, it is inexcusable.

Do youself a favor, and ask the bride. You will be glad you did, and so will she.

[Chas]

I have been to many weddings (my mother was one of 13 children who all produced many children), in all sorts of venues. From cathedrals to humble parish churches to castles to once in a field. From very formal to so laid back, I didn't think that there had been a marriage.

In all those times, in all those places, with all those different people, there was never once when the bride was upstaged.

I don't think that it is possible, not unless a guest dressed as Ronald MacDonald.

Regards

Chas

[gary meakin]

Simple answer - ask the bride. <clip> All other surveys are meaningless.

Ditto

[CMcG]

Ask the bride and groom. If it is a very traditional family, maybe ask the parents instead...

As for kilts at non-Scottish weddings, I've done it.

A friend who is East Indian by way of Trinidad had a big Hindu wedding and, when I asked about the kilt, she told me that traditional clothing was very appropriate. I wore the kilt and was the only one, but many people were wearing Indian attire. There were a couple nice conversations with folks about the importance of honouring traditions.

Last night, I went to the wedding of longtime classmate from kung fu. He and his bride are Chinese but they are also devout Christians, so the wedding was more Western. Knowing him and his family, I judged that a suit would be more appropriate and didn't bother asking about the kilt. There were hardly even any people wearing traditional Chinese clothes.

[LitTrog]

Yeah, just check with the bride. And if her answer is noncommittal, I would caution against wearing the kilt. An enthusiastic yes is what you're looking for, unless you're looking for trouble. Let the caterer or cake maker or DJ or florist or officiant or mother in-law or groom be the one to push her over the edge on her special and horribly stressful day.

[Woodsman]

I too agree that you should ask the bride and by that too she will be forewarned and not surprised on her wedding day.

With that being said, at my wedding, many moons ago, one of our guests was a Marine and wore his full dress uniform to the wedding. He certainly had a choice in this too. But as it turned out, he was a great hit that only added to our wedding and did't subtract from the bride, my wife, at all. We actually looked at it as an honor to have him in attendance dressed as he was. I think it really impressed all the guests. In later years he married my wife's cousin and they are still happily married and now with two children.