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26th July 11, 11:40 AM
#1
Forrest Gump Dies And Goes To heaven
Forrest Gump Dies And Goes To heaven
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam . I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued, 'Yes I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?'
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,tell me your answers.'
Forest replies, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.
'How many seconds in a year?'Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?
'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
'OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME,ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'
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26th July 11, 02:22 PM
#2
That reminds me of a song we sang in church when I was a little kid; I'll leave out the details. There was a phrase in the song, "to stay." It sounded like "Tuesday," and that is what most of us sang. I just remember a surprised look on a Sunday school teacher when someone asked why it was only on Tuesday.
Last edited by Bugbear; 26th July 11 at 02:30 PM.
I tried to ask my inner curmudgeon before posting, but he sprayed me with the garden hose…
Yes, I have squirrels in my brain…
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26th July 11, 03:37 PM
#3
 Originally Posted by Bugbear
That reminds me of a song we sang in church when I was a little kid; I'll leave out the details. There was a phrase in the song, "to stay." It sounded like "Tuesday," and that is what most of us sang. I just remember a surprised look on a Sunday school teacher when someone asked why it was only on Tuesday. 
Where??
--dbh
When given a choice, most people will choose.
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26th July 11, 03:45 PM
#4
 Originally Posted by piperdbh
Where??
Some time in the late seventies/early eighties.
* Edit: I can't figure out why you are asking "where??", so I answered "when??"
Last edited by Bugbear; 26th July 11 at 03:59 PM.
I tried to ask my inner curmudgeon before posting, but he sprayed me with the garden hose…
Yes, I have squirrels in my brain…
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26th July 11, 05:26 PM
#5
There's usually a big "WHERE??" right before the line that ends "... to stay." if we're thinking about the same song.
--dbh
When given a choice, most people will choose.
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26th July 11, 07:22 PM
#6
I tried to ask my inner curmudgeon before posting, but he sprayed me with the garden hose…
Yes, I have squirrels in my brain…
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26th July 11, 03:05 PM
#7
Hee-hee!
My favorite was always the hymn about a toy with an odd name...
"Gladly, the cross-eyed bear"
[*ducking, running*]
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27th July 11, 12:05 AM
#8
Ya... Guess you just can't put enough lipstick on a pig to make an elephant fly.
I tried to ask my inner curmudgeon before posting, but he sprayed me with the garden hose…
Yes, I have squirrels in my brain…
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27th July 11, 01:53 AM
#9
Somehwhere over the rainbow "weigh a pie" ???????
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27th July 11, 07:31 AM
#10
Scuse me while I kiss this guy!
or
A girl with colitis goes by.
Jimbo
"No howling in the building!"
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