Etiquette for Young Men

[Cygnus]

I've recently been asked to put together a "crash course" on etiquette specifically for teenage boys. Since members of the rabble tend, for the most part, to be polite and "cultured", I thought this would be as good a place as any to ask what you would include in such a course.

I was thinking things like writing an email, writing a thank-you note, tying a neck tie, table manners, appropriate use of mobile devices, etc.

So, what would you include? What do you see in today's "whipper-snappers'" behavior that could be improved?

Thank you, in advance, for your suggestions!

[Blake Roth]

You might wish to try the Art of Manliness website. I've been subscribing for a time now and I would opine that nine-tenths of the material is very, very good and in agreement to what many of us on xmarks would hold as ethos. Simple etiquette, such as the tie tying, table manners, dress formality and hat protocol, that you require is certainly covered. Hope that AOM will get you started, and best of luck with your course.

[Father Bill]

This is marvellous. The appearance we present leaves the first and critical impression. Personal grooming and as mentioned, "hat protocol" are high on my list. I had a fellow visit our home with this hat on, and his lame comment as we sat down at a formal dining room was that he should leave it on because his hair wasn't tidy that day. Wrong on both counts and I've remembered it for twenty years even though I've not seen him since.

I'm delighted that you actually know some young men who want to know! Bon chance, et magnifique!

[Kiltboy]

One of the most powerful (yet overlooked) pieces of ediquette is The Greeting. Eye contact, handshakes, addresses/titles, first/last names, etc. First impressions are still important.

[Tobus]

Since this is tailored to young men, I would say that the most obvious piece of etiquette many of them lack (and the most noticeable trait when someone actually does have it) is speaking respectfully to others, especially their elders. A simple "sir" or "ma'am" goes a long way when addressing someone in a respectful manner.

[andycwb]

Since this is tailored to young men, I would say that the most obvious piece of etiquette many of them lack (and the most noticeable trait when someone actually does have it) is speaking respectfully to others, especially their elders. A simple "sir" or "ma'am" goes a long way when addressing someone in a respectful manner.

I'd never, ever refer to someone as "Sir" or "Ma'am" unless they had the title to go with it. Respect is one thing, obsequiousness is another.

Andy

[creagdhubh]

Since this is tailored to young men, I would say that the most obvious piece of etiquette many of them lack (and the most noticeable trait when someone actually does have it) is speaking respectfully to others, especially their elders. A simple "sir" or "ma'am" goes a long way when addressing someone in a respectful manner.

I agree completely. Proper etiquette and manners begins with speaking in a respectful and tactful manner. Heck, enlisting in the U.S. Marine Corps will definitely teach young men proper etiquette, in which arguably, they'll retain for the rest of their lives.

[KenB]

+++ Father Bill.

Hat etiquette and table manners.... these are big issues to be addressed. Also personal grooming.

I was raised by parents who always had meticulous manners. My mother always said that you don't need a fortune or grow up in money in order to have "proper manners".

I'll finish with, "shine your shoes." Nothing looks so shabby as a gent wearing a beautiful suit with shoes that are scuffed and not shinned. 'nuff said! But I could go on.

[Father Bill]

Yes. I'm hyper-fussy over my shoes. I do not like the more recent trend towards leather that doesnt really shine, but at the very least they should be evenly clean.

[Cardinal]

This is marvellous. The appearance we present leaves the first and critical impression. Personal grooming and as mentioned, "hat protocol" are high on my list. I had a fellow visit our home with this hat on, and his lame comment as we sat down at a formal dining room was that he should leave it on because his hair wasn't tidy that day. Wrong on both counts and I've remembered it for twenty years even though I've not seen him since.

I'm delighted that you actually know some young men who want to know! Bon chance, et magnifique!

I think, as your project progresses, this is the key. We have spent a lot of time discussing "what" and "how to," but the only way your lessons will stick is if you can get your young men to understand and embrace WHY manners are important. Father Bill nailed it pretty well, and his anecdote about the boy in the hat, two decades ago, shows just how well those negative first impressions stick.

On the broader topic, I would suggest that your young men remember that whom they spend their time with, and how they spend it, tells who they are. If you hang out with thugs, I will assume you a thug until proved wrong. If you use all of your spare time playing video games, that tells me a lot about you as well.

This is a very "against the grain" countercultural thing you are doing. I wish you the best!

Cordially,
Trog