Explaining a tartan

[Alan H]

Last night I wore my Capercaillie tartan kilt to a San Jose Chamber Orchestra concert and got lots of positive feedback, as always. However, as usual, people want to know what tartan it is. Of course, they are polite, but confused and a bit disappointed when I tell them... "no, it's not my clan tartan, it's a tartan designed to raise money for habitat preservation in the UK." Only about one person in a hundred "gets" that or appreciates it.

If I have five minutes or more available to talk to the person, then I absolutely don't mind having a more in depth discussion about it, but honestly...I'm out with the Luminous Joan, to see a concert. I don't want to go on and on about tartan history. Even telling people that ... "there is no MacNaughton, hunting tartan so I got this instead" requires explaining what a hunting tartan is. Of course, at least three quarters of the people who ask are nice ladies who are just dying to tell me about their tartan skirt in Black Watch, you know? They don't REALLY care, though they're nice people. It's not like I'm "angry" with these folks, eh?

Honestly, I'm about to give up and just tell people that it's the MacNaughton, hunting tartan and let it go at that when I'm short on time. Not one person in a thousand will know or care, otherwise.

Thoughts?

[Father Bill]

Did you ever hunt in it, Mr. McNaughton?

[usonian]

The first time you do that, of course, you'll find yourself talking to a self appointed member of the kilt police who will delight in telling you that there's is no such thing as the MacNaughton, Hunting tartan.

[Sir William]

The first time you do that, of course, you'll find yourself talking to a self appointed member of the kilt police who will delight in telling you that there's is no such thing as the MacNaughton, Hunting tartan.

My experience has been while wearing a generic tartan that isn't associated with anything while kitted out in 18th century garb as an Appin Stewart for living history presentations. I once had someone from the Scottish Tartan Museum (yes, one of Matt's people) look at my various and mixed tartans, refer to several of his books and then back at me before declaring he couldn't figure out what tartan I was wearing. I'm not sure if he was relieved or disappointed to discover that I wasn't wearing a "recognized" tartan.

However, almost invariably I will get some "expert" who insists I should be wearing a the "clan" tartan since "that is what they wore at Culloden." These people are just too much trouble to talk to.

[Highlander31]

....However, almost invariably I will get some "expert" who insists I should be wearing a the "clan" tartan since "that is what they wore at Culloden." These people are just too much trouble to talk to.

I've had a few like that. My first reaction to those types is to smile and say I'm late and to thank them for saying hello. However, on more than one occasion I have politely given the more obnoxious a destination they should visit,...and suggested they leave immediately.

[opositive]

cal it the mcfly tartan. when they walk up and ask to id it, you can say, "hello, mcfly."

[kiltedrennie]

I'm asked quite often which clan my Pride of Scotland tartan represents.

Most of the time I take 30 seconds to tell them there are thousands of clan and non-clan tartans and that this isn't a clan tartan. The last time I was asked the response was that she really liked the colors and asked if that's why I bought it. The closest to an "expert" I've run into was someone a bit confused thinking my MacQueen tartan was a Wallace with extra stripes.

[Elf]

However, almost invariably I will get some "expert" who insists I should be wearing a the "clan" tartan since "that is what they wore at Culloden." These people are just too much trouble to talk to.

It reminds me of the old true-ism: Don't ruin a good story with the facts.

In my personal experience, by contrast, most people are quite intrigued to discover that District tartans exist. I do still sympathize with your plight in being distracted from enjoying the event.

[MacLowlife]

There are two kinds of people in the world:
1) the kind who like to explain things and
2)the kind who like to have them explained, or who will listen politely to an explanation.

The surprising lack of enthusiasm for other people's explanation on the part of explainers is not really so complicated- we like to talk- we don't like to listen. For those who like movies and "English humor" consider the recent Steve Coogan - Rob Brydon offering THE TRIP*. They find themselves at the foot of an amazing rock formation and Steve sets out to give Rob the entire Natural History of the place. Rob is having none of it. "Be quiet, I just want to enjoy it." And Steve is baffled "Wouldn't you enjoy it more if you knew about its history?"
"NO. I just want to enjoy it."

So Steve climbs to the top and is standing there, loving the place and sure enoughm, here comes a gent who knows quite a lot about the place. And Steve is not at all interested to hear about prehistoric ice formations,, glacial, flow, etc.

As I say, many of us like to talk, not to listen. We will listen in order to be given a chance to talk some more, but we are just waiting out turn. If a person asks one question, he or she may well simply be polite. If they ask two, they are a good conversationalist. Asking three or four is probably a sign of interest. If your answer takes up more than two sentences, you can generally turn the curious ones into polite ones simply by overwhelming them.

Imagine this scenario:
Person A: Oooh, is that yer family tartan?
Person B: Aye, it's the hunting squeaky . My great grandmother was a wee bit squeaky towards the end there.
Person A: Oh. We had a squeaky dog when I was little
Person B: Yes, and the Squeaky family only recently applied to have their tartan recgonized. You know, there were these two chaps, the Sobieski Stuart brothers. That wasn't really their name. But they called themselves that sometimes. And they entered into an alliance, after a fashion, with the mills, though neither of them actually contacted the other. But it was a conspiracy, nonetheless, if not a classical conspiracy per se. And the aim of their conspiracy was to sell things- to allow people with little or no actual highland connection to gain one by hard work or the careful application of funds- to enjoy the fruits of tartan ecstasy, that is tartanic splendor.
Person A. Oh, splendid, er
Person B So the Squeaky family had this tartan designed
Person A By the er Sobieski gents?
Person B. No, by my brother in law, actually. He has this program on his computer, well actually, it's an app on his smart phone. He designed it himself, it's called Hoots Jimmy where's me Tartan and it allows the user to choose from an array, well, it's more like a grid actually, sort of a menu of tartans.
Person A. I see,
Person B. And the MacSqueakys- they are a sept of the original Squeaky lot you see, a sept being a branch or tributary, a sort of protected affiliate. Well, the Squeakys decided it was time for them to have their own tartan and they wanted something that was totally legit, you know, not made up just to sell fabric, something that reflected their strong love for dirt and wetness, I mean the earth and the waters that cover it.
Person A. Begob, here's me bus
Person B What, here in the Symphony Hall? Will wonders never cease?

Person C. I see you're wearing a tartan kilt, there, me lad.
Person B. Yes, it's the Hunting Squeaky tartan.
Person C. Now would that be fourteen ounce or twelve ?
Person B Oh, it's twelve, you see...
Person C Oh, Twelve is perfectly all right, I suppose, if you are one of those left handed types, grown up elsewhere and come lately to the splendors of tartanacity. You see the Picts chose to divide their calendar into 13 lunar months and they believed that the old ounce- not your newfangled Frenchy Avoir Du Poids ounce or yer corrupt Troy ounce, but yer Celtic ounce, which was the weight of a butterfly's wing upon the shoulder of a faerie toting a cairngorm. You see, that is how they decided the perfect weight of a single thread and if you are using a crofter's loom which always has an odd number of woofs
Person B I think I hear my mother calling.

* Bear in mind- the dialogue from the movie may vary slightly- I am not given to exact memorization. Think of it as a freely associated interpretation within the meaning and spirit of the copyright laws...

[Alan H]

The first time you do that, of course, you'll find yourself talking to a self appointed member of the kilt police who will delight in telling you that there's is no such thing as the MacNaughton, Hunting tartan.

EXACTLY! sheesh.