Not to kill your buzz... the dark side of kilted attention

[ggibby]

When I'm not in the field at work as a wilderness instructor, I'm kilted, including working at a camping store. Rarely a comment, and usually positive.

The few insults I've had were from teenagers in pickup trucks driving by. Until one night in Saranc Lake, New York state. It was the last night after 10 days working, and I was at the bar with my coworkers, in my polyacrylic Graham of Menteith tartan.

Mark, a fella I'd met and chatted with while kilted a week prior in the same bar gestured me over. When I got close enough to talk, he slurred out something about being a flatlander (Texan) and how I must be a fag, dressed like that. I told him I didn't want to talk and walked back to my mates, a stout rugger and a svelte blonde lass.

He followed me over and stood three steps away, then started talking and moving slowly closer. When he reached out and grabbed my sporran strap, both my mates stepped in. They'd been right there throughout, but didn't think he'd move (nor did I).

I really had no reference for all this. I'm not a big guy, never played physical sports, I don't even like to hug people. I just stayed as cool as possible and made no comment. He was drunk, and it was amplifying his homophobia.

Within about five minutes, the crowd (who all knew him) and bartender moved in, told him he was an idiot, and he moved off. The bartender said he'd done this sort of thing before, and she was convinced he was supressing latent homosexuality. I made no comment.

Had I not been in my kilt, the whole thing never would have happened. My mates were there, I'm pretty confident, and he was really drunk. It didn't and won't discourage me (I'm ordering my sixth from USA Kilts), but I've been kilted full time for almost a year. I really can't imagine the effect on a newbie.

Again, not trying to cast a pall, and this is the only time I've been directly insulted, but I thought I'd share.

-G

[bubba]

gibby, I gotta say you're more cool headed than I am. The guy would have woke up in the ER if he'd have made a grab on me. I tend to react to being grabbed.

[Xcop]

Graham, I admire your composure. You have great mates who are truely friends. Its sad to think that in this day and age that kind of stupidity exists, but it does and we have to deal with it. I'm usually not bothered much but those fools, but I guess I have a bit of no bs appearence. It may be the bald head, size, and handlebar moustache. I'm not a fighter by nature, but if pushed too far I will make my displeasure known, and its not pretty.

David

[Freelander Sporrano]

I'm no fighter never have been. You did the right thing.Luckily you were not on your own Graham.Otherwise the outcome could have been a little different.

I've had abuse from people I work with When drunk people are a whole different ball game.That I found really dissapointing. I thought I'd got a fair amount of exptance among my work mates.Anyway just lets say I left the party early and went to the movies instead (Troy)

Nothing was said next day.

[Rhino]

I think you handled it really well, I tend to react like Bubba, touch me without invitation and you'll pull back a stump
Cheers Rhino

[Mychael Sporrano]

On another kilt list I have been monitoring, there are those who feel that a person brings this sort of thing upon themselves by the aura that they give off. That is, of course, complete BS!! We no more have control of the actions of others than we can order up the weather of our choosing. The only thing that we affect 100% is our own behavior.

Personally, I don't like to make wearing a kilt a confrontational event. I don't want to have to walk around with an attitude with the intention of warding off potential adversaries through some percieved intimidation on my part. I shouldn't have to be a gun slinger spoiling for a fight whenever I venture out.

Yesterday, I had the nicest experience in regard to striking up an in-depth conversation with a complete stranger. It was very positive. Conversely, a few days before, I had a bad experience with a very unpleasant woman that has been discussed on another thread. I surmise that neither conversation would have taken place were I not kilted, so in a way I was responsible for indirectly facilitating both exchanges; my kilt and friendly demeanor providing the "in". However, the direction either conversation took had everything to do with the other parties. One person choose to be civil, the other less than decent. I indulged the former and moved away from the latter, just as you did, G. In my case the woman did not follow while in your case the obnoxious fellow persued further interaction and actually became physical. I am glad that your friends were there to assist, or things could have gotten very dicey.

I can tell from the tone of your post that you will not change anything about your behavior. Good for you! We have to do what is true to ourselves, and most of the time our experiences will be positive. I agree that with less confident people this sort of thing could be off-putting. Hopefully newbies will have a few good stories under their belts before this sort of thing happens. There are lots of jerks out there, but lots of decent folk as well.

Thanks for sharing, and carry on!

Mychael

[Bill]

Without a doubt your conduct stands as an example. 8) I might have done something stupid and regreted it later.

Comment: Drunk or sober an idiot is still an idiot.

Be well

[Blu (Ontario)]

Good story and well told. I was thinking that it might just as appropriately have been titled "The Dark Side of Alcohol". The fact is, if you and the kilt hadn't been there, it probably would have been someone or something else. Also it probably wouldn't have happened if booze hadn't been consumed to excess. It's not the fault of the kilt. Mychaels analysis is absolutely correct. And even though your experience is an extreme example, the overwhelming majority of experiences wearing a kilt are going to be positive ones. Kudos to you for maintaining your composure.

blu

[Casey]

I think that there is a very positive side to this story. The way I read it is that the rest of the people in attendance were positive about a person wearing a kilt.

Sometimes it takes adversity to bring out the positive in people.

Casey

[phil h]

sounds like this guy is a real WANKER, he would have started even if you wasn't in a kilt, maybe not with you, but some poor sod. maybe you did someone a favour, and took the crap.
you should face the guy whan hes sober again, and tell him how you feel. tell him just coz he finds you attractive, does not make you gay.(joke)
I don't know what I would have done,I'd like to think the same as you, but I dunno.
being twice your size helps,even if people wanted to say somethin' most don't.
it helps bein big n ugly.


P.S. good advice Mychael.