Winter Games on sinking sand
Olympics can't outskate, outski global warming
Published on: 02/22/06
Despite the triumph of Shani Davis, the first black person to win an individual gold medal in the Winter Olympics, some observers still believe the Winter Games are too white — you know, all that snow and ice. It's hard to muster much diversity when the sports demand proximity to the North Pole.
Indeed, the Winter Games exclude much of the planet. While 10,000 athletes from more than 200 nations generally participate in the Summer Games, according to The Washington Post, only 2,500 competitors from 87 countries are skating, skiing and skidding through the Turin Olympics. Not every nation has access to iced-over ponds and snowy mountain passes. Some of the more arid countries harvest only tiny quantities of sequins and spandex; often a nation's entire crop is insufficient for even one ice-skating costume.
Besides, residents of sunnier zones are unlikely to get excited over some of the odder winter sports. You have to live in a most unfriendly climate to get drunk enough to take the lid off one of your mother's heavy cooking pots and whack it across the ice, clearing a path with your mother's broom.
Curling was apparently invented by the Scots — who had already caused enough grief when they invented golf. They are also the people, you may recall, who think men look good in skirts. (The fact that some do is immaterial.)
The weirdness factor in the Winter Games may help explain why NBC has drawn anemic ratings for its Olympic broadcasts this season. Let's face it: "American Idol," which has trounced the Olympics in viewership, is a competitive event accessible across all sorts of cultural and demographic boundaries. Everybody gets singing (even if we don't all get Paula Abdul).
But the luge?
Except for a few letters, "luge" is nearly an anagram of "Paula Abdul," which may contribute to its goofy mysteriousness. Still, I've decided to stick with the Winter Olympics this season. After all, this could be my last chance to see a stunning curling upset. With the climate and landscape changes wrought by global warming, the champions of bizarre sports may be making their last rounds.
According to researchers meeting last week at the American Association for the Advancement of Science, Greenland's glaciers are melting faster than scientists had previously believed, dumping water into the Atlantic Ocean and raising its levels. At this rate, scientists say, sea levels could rise by as much as 3 feet, inundating coastal areas.
Who knows? By 2014, there might not be enough snow and ice left on the planet; the Winter Games may become the Water Games. So curling will go the way of chariot races, and the Norwegians, the Finns and the Lithuanians will have to play basketball. (Actually, the Lithuanians have seen this coming. They came close to upsetting the U.S. basketball team two years ago and shutting them out of a medal.)
Some winter sports will translate easily to warmer climes. The snowboarding cross, clip-somebody, crash-and-burn event will be taken over by skateboarders, whose competitions have similar rules — which is to say, not many. And if those suicidal lugers insist on being strapped to a gurney whipping around a tube at 80 mph, Olympic czars can build them a giant water slide like those at big theme parks. Let them luge that.
If Dubai, where daytime temperatures can reach 120 degrees, can build a huge indoor ski resort, I'm sure engineers can find a way to accommodate downhill racers in a brave new superheated world. Just one thing: There'll be no excuse for men to wear costumes that make them look like Spiderman. In warmer weather, they'll be free to wear skimpier outfits. (That may create some disadvantages for sponsors, however, since they won't have as much clothing on which to hang their advertising. Nike tattoos, perhaps?)
Icelanders and Albanians, who have so few chances to shine — or slide and skid — on the world stage, would likely be a little put off by the prospect of the Globally Warmed Winter Games. With apologies to Thomas Friedman, they'd find themselves in a world not just hotter but also flatter — with many more competitors.
But, like globalization, global warming offers huge advantages. Although most won't actually survive it, everyone gets a day at the beach — a sunny day at that. That ought to take the sting out of it for the Russians and Kazakhstanis, who so rarely enjoy a warm day anywhere.
Besides, there's a lot to be said for a world without curling.
• Cynthia Tucker is the editorial page editor. Her column appears Wednesdays and Sundays.
Originally Posted by Cawdorian
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