What would you do if your mother asked you?

[MacSimoin]

jordanjm:

As I'm only an expecting father I can't quite relate to this situation (and lucky for me I doubt I ever will). Anyone else, as Rocky put it, is far removed from the experience. But, seeing that I'm about to become a father here's my thoughts on your last post:

1. Disassociate from the negative. Absolutely! If your mother-in-law's dislike for how you dress your child leads her to voice that displeasure in such a crass and disrespectful manner, you and your wife should keep her visits to a bare minimum.

2. Be firm about not taking the cut downs. Once is enough...any more verbal abuse than that (aimed at you or your child) is totally insensitive and inexcusable. Be firm and let her know that her words hurt your whole family, but try not to stoop to her level of boorishness: Just tell her enough is enough.

3. Invite her to various activities where people other than just my family will be wearing kilts. An excellent suggestion but it's too soon for this one and just puts a band-aid on the situation. Personally, I feel this effort should wait until you can figure out number 5 (below).

4. Teach the kids to love her. This is sage advice but remember, you must lead by example.

5. Her issue with me, and my son wearing kilts is just a piece of a larger problem. To me, this says the crux of the matter is possibly something left unsaid (here) and/or maybe it's something you're still trying to figure out yourself. Whatever it is, be firm in your choice to dress your son in a kilt, regardless of what anyone else thinks (including your mother-in-law). Someone else pointed out women wearing slacks and using that as a sort of defensive stance (how I saw it) but go beyond that: Indeed, if you are proud of your heritage (you already are) and you choose to visibly reflect that in what you and your son wear (and at such a young age, good for you!), then by all means explain that to her and let her know that she's not only showing disrespect and ignorance towards you but she's doing the same to her own progeny. If she can live with being like that, then she can live without you and your family in her life.

Best wishes and thanks for the great photo of your son.

[jordanjm]

I have an update to this thread.

Last weekend was the Scottish Festival and Highland Games at Thanksgiving point in Lehi Utah. I hosted the MacGillivray clan booth. My mother-in-law, school teacher off for the summer and bored, decided she would help me get everything there. She came and got my daughter on Saturday and watched her for a few hours. She was honestly surprised at how "Big a deal" it was. It was in the paper, and on the news, and she with out going in to the actual festival saw hundreds of men in kilts. The fall out from this is that now she is getting my son at least one shirt to match his new kilt, but she is telling me I need to wear shorts under my kilt. Just for the record here, the Sunday after the festival I wore my kilt to my in laws. I guess she did not like how I sat on the couch or something. But now its I should do the kilt thing this way, my son should wear a certain shirt with his. I do not know which I prefered her disdain, and contempt, or her trying to take over this aspect of my life.

[morrison]

Dear mom in law, This is My Wife's baby. We'll have no untoward upbraiding in the raising of our child. Here, hold him whilst I get his dinner.

[Casper]

Get him some knee high socks, and a wee baby sporran...

[brandycr]

That was a cute picture hes a handsome little man in training.As to your mom some people just dont get it and understand that kilts arent skirts or that they are comfy and beautiful and well you get my point.Id just say if you know your going or shes coming avoid it or as he might get older he may get a complex but then again if he sees dad sporting a kilt may not .Id just say avoid the kilt around here just so you dont have to hear it .Once again hes cute !

[mddock58]

She will calm down after the novelty wears off.

And yes, it is all new again because of the change in her mind, and she will go overboard, just like all grandparents do.
But what you wear (or don't) under your kilt is none of her business.

I'm glad there was a change, and hopefully the whole thing will soften to a non-issue.

[Nick]

Now that is one handsome bambino! I forsee him beating them off with a stick in 14 years or so.

As for the MIL, one of my sisters in law had an experience where her MIL was actively trying to poison her daughter against her. It's not a pretty thing, and, with all due and deserved respect to Panache, family can't be a sheild for reprehensible behavior. But on the other hand, to err is human and all that jazz, I hope that she can be made to undertand, or at least tolerate, the kilt.

Of course, if she doesn't, you could always strap a full-sized dirk (properly peace tied, of course) to the wee bairn's waist.

[Macman]

I do not know which I prefered her disdain, and contempt, or her trying to take over this aspect of my life.

I hear you! Well, at least there is some progress on the issue, and I really hope things get better.

[jordanjm]

I thought I would post a follow up to this. A few days ago we went to my in laws for dinner. While there I learned that my mother-in-law is a descendant of William and Mary of Orange. (I knew she had to have Scot blood somewhere.) Then she said that one of the neighbors has asked who is the guy who comes around in skirts. She replied that it is her son-in-law who wears a kilt because he is proud of his Scottish Heritage. She has figured it out, and accepted this aspect of me.

[ardchoille]

A parent must do that which benefits their child and shield the child from that which is detrimental. Tell her to open her mind to reality, and if she's going to be a bad influence on the child.. maybe she shouldn't see the child anymore.