How I deal with threads I don't like

[Alan H]

First off, if I come across a thread that really bugs me, I most usually just move on and read something else.

If the thread is grossly inappropriate, and in all my days on XMarks I"ve only seen one, I might contact the moderators to ask about ditching it. By this I mean something with inappropriate pictures, rude, direct, unmistakeable sexual language, stuff like that. Otherwise, I don't bother the moderators.


In all other cases, what I do, and I only have done this three times in three years, is message the person who started the thread, or the person who wrote the post, and ask THEM about it. I feel that the person who starts a thread on this board, or any online board, has some sort of responsibility for it even when it goes very much off into tangents. If it truly gets hijacked into places that nobody could have imagined it would go, well that's different, of course. Generally speaking,though,when I start a thread, I kind of think of it as "My" thread, and I keep an eye on it for a while. I don't watch it forever, of course, but for a day or two I try to keep on top of it. I also watch for interaction in my mailroom about it, and try to gauge responses and attitudes in part, in my mailroom.

I really wish others here would do the same.

I hear from sources which don't need to be revealed, that a number of people were quite upset and msg'd the moderators about a post/thread that was up on the board, yesterday. However, in my mailroom I had precisely one discussion about that thread. That discussion centered around what his response would be,and his personal experiences with bullying and violence, and his response to them. Nobody, not ONE person commented to me directly about being disturbed by that post/thread.

If I come across something here that truly bothers me, the FIRST place I go with it, is to the person. I don't necessarily expect to hear agreement from the other person, but if I get a respectful and reasonable response, well, that's as far as it goes. It's only when I get an unreasonable or abusive response that I take it to the Moderators. I am not so worried or scared, nor am I so mistrusting of the members heret hat I can't come to anyone here in their PM's and be honest with them.

That has never happened, in the three years I've been at X-Marks.

I think of it in a similar fashion to what I do if one of my neighbors have a noisy party that goes on too late. I go to THEM first and ask them to quiet it down...turn off the music...maybe it's time to call it a night? I remind them that they live in a residential neighborhood and while they certainly have a right to have some fun, I have a right to get some sleep at 1:00 AM, too. It's only when I get a belligerent response to this, or the party is totally out of hand with too many people at it and is no longer controllable by the people at whose house it's held at, , that I call the local "moderators"....otherwise known as the Police.

I would wish and hope that if others have an issue with what I have written here at X-Marks, that YOU would come to ME first, before going to the moderators. I might be a lot more reasonable than you think, and there's only one way to find out.

[Archangel]

You know, this forum has really improved over the past few years and the tone is a lot better.
About two years ago, almost any thread would be hi-jacked by certain people wanting to add "guns to that", which lead to gun control debates which lead to flames. And nothing to do with Kilts. And the mods put up a rule that made the situation better.
In that same time period, almost any thread would turn to martial arts and street-fighting discussion. Again, more chest thumping than anything. And nothing to do with Kilts. And the mods put up a rule that made the situation better.
Other threads would get taken over by certain social groups. And again the mods made positive changes.
The arguments would twist to internal US politics and non-US posters would be caught up in the political postings rules at that time. And again changes were made.

At that time, it was frustrating. You'd learn who to watch for and you could almost schedule when a thread would collapse. You could try and change the flow, I know I got caught up in some of the arguments. I stopped reading certain threads at certain points, then I stopped reading certain thread at all. Then I stopped reading all thread and did not participate in the forum for over a year.

I am pleased with the changes made. They've made the forum more welcoming and more international. Thank you, mods (from somebody who's just had a discipline expire).

I wouldn't PM the thread originator. First, they're not usually the problem. Second, they don't have the power to edit. Third, that's not my understanding of PMs. I'm not keen on getting PM, it hasn't been abused here, but on other forums, I've been swamped.

Because I believe in the saying that, "when the followers lead, the leaders will follow", I state my objection within the thread. If others agree, they will say so. If most disagree with me, then I reevaluate my position. I've learned not to get into thread wars, at least, I hope I have. If I do follow up, I try and stop it there since that's usually at the point of the forum rules. A few months back I had to edit a post because my response had crossed over into Mod authority. It's a matter of knowing limitations and apologizing when wrong. Just like real life.

Anyway, that's what I do.

[Mike1]

If an offensive post requires comment and that comment refutes the offensive post, then why should anyone resort to using the Private Messaging system?

I agree with Alan that everyone should be held accountable for what they have posted. However, if someone posts something rude, offensive or incorrect on the public forum, then that is where they also need to be held accountable. On the public forum.

Does that mean the the offended party can start an embittered, name-calling, flame-war against the offender? Of course not. What it means is the offended party should be afforded the same public venue as the offender.

I've haunted online bulletin boards, UseNet groups and discussion forums for more years than some of you have been alive. I was doing this back in the days of 300 baud modems and dialing long distance to get connections.

In all those years, I've often seen people in the midst of a debate suddenly want to dive to the back channels. And in the greatest number of those instances, those people were the ones that realized they were about to be proven wrong. And they didn't want that to happen in an open forum, where everyone could witness it.

The secret to this is to post topics that you possess knowledge about. If you're not 100% on a particular topic, it's safest to either stay quiet or make it crystal clear you might be talking from someplace other than your mouth. Admit you might be in error about something up front and then you won't look so silly if it is later proven you were.

The next step is to post things that you are sure you want to post. As Alan mentioned, when he starts a thread, he assumes 'ownership' of that thread. That's a pretty safe policy, because in most instances, you are going to be assigned that ownership anyway.

If you are 'big' enough to post on an open forum, then you should also be 'big' enough to take your lumps on an open forum.

[Makeitstop]

I'm relatively new here, but I have been a mod on another board for many years. I try to PM anyone who is breaking the rules (aside from spammers, who just get banned) to make sure they understand the exact nature of the objection. Part of the reason for this is because they don't always understand why their thread just disappeared, or exactly where the line is.

And I also find that the response I get is a good indicator of the type of behavior I can expect in the future. 85% of people will be polite and will correct future behavior, 5% won't respond and won't be around for long, and 10% will be total jerks and will end up getting banned.

The important thing is that when reasoned with politely and with the rules on your side, most people will actually improve. And I do find that a PM is often more effective than a response in thread, where people are already argumentative. Of course, there are times when you need to make objections public. It just depends on whether you need to address everyone, or only a single trouble maker.