Fairst Prize

[Old Hippie]

A kilted laddie was tottering his way home after a very congenial kilt night, at which a considerable portion of the "Old and Pure" was consumed. Being that it was a fair distance home, he began to feel rather fatigued after walking for a while. He decided that stopping for a brief rest was in order, and settled himself comfortably against a tree in a nearby park.

As he was snoring away, a pair of young lasses on their way home from choir practice passed along, wondering what the noise might be. Upon investigation, they discovered the kilted lad and remarked on his handsome face and rather well-formed limbs.

"D'ye think it's true, then," asked one, "what they say about what's under the kilt?"

The other giggled and said, "I don't know, but d'ye think it'd be harmful to look?"

A brief discussion punctuated with titters ensued, and the first girl bent down boldly and lifted the hem of the lad's kilt. "Oh!" she said. "I see the rumours are grounded in truth!"

"Just a moment, Alice" said the second girl. Quickly removing her red hair ribbon, she tied a neat bow around what she saw. The first girl replaced the kilt and the two went away, more educated in the ways of the world.

Some time later, the lad woke up and rose to complete his journey. An odd sensation caused him to investigate, whereupon he stood staring.

"Ah dinna ken where ye've been, Laddie," he mumbled muzzily.

"But Ah can be proud ye've won fairst prize!"

(In Canada, red ribbons are for first prize...)

[Wompet]

Oh, a Scotsman clad in kilt
left the bar one evening fair;
And one could tell by how he walked
that he'd drunk more then his share.
He staggered along 'til
he could no longer keep his feet,
Then he stumbled off into the grass,
to sleep beside the street.

About this time two young
and handsome girls happened by,
And one said to the other,
with a twinkle in her eye,
"See yon sleeping Scotsman,
so strong and handsome built,
I wonder if it's true -
What they don't wear beneath the kilt?"

Ah, you guys know the rest of the lyrics.

[Charlie Mc.]

most people know the bit up to the blue ribbon, but there are two more verses after that as well

[Wompet]

Yeah, well, those two definitely aren't forum friendly, so ...

[Barclay]

As performed by Jesse Ferguson, the great Bard of Cornwall, master of the bodhran, tin whistle, guitar, and terrific vocal interpretations of traditional Scots, Irish and Maritime songs...and a genuinely nice guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjOChIqRhw8

Enjoy.

[The Guy in the Kilt at UC]

A kilted fellow passes outside a pub with the kilt fallen over his face, exposing what you can imagine. Three ladies pass by and try to figure out who it is.

The first looks down and says, "Well it's not my husband."

The second says, "Well it's not my husband either."

The third looks down and says, "Why it's not even anyone from town."