Thinking of Leaving

**CDNSushi** · 26th May 11, 07:43 PM

Wow! I don't check the forum for just one morning, and all of a sudden I walk into this thread, already on page 8.

There is little for me to say that hasn't already been said, but I would like to offer a little bit of food for thought, coming from an ex-moderator on several other online discussion forums, and as a participant on numerous others.

There is no perfect system.

And in case you missed that, let me say it again with emphasis: There is no perfect system. Every forum creates its own "culture" and its own way of doing things that is unique. I can tell you right now, for instance that an adult-only thread would NOT benefit this place -- it's just not right for this forum's culture (in my opinion).

I used to be a silent mod (I had mod status with privs to the mod-only forum and threads, but retained an advisory role... Actual action would be taken by full-on mods) on one forum that was a spinoff another one -- that was created as a reaction to the perceived over-moderation of the original. (Not kilt-related whatsoever). Well, in the interest of being everything that the first forum WASN'T, the new forum instituted some interesting changes. Moderatorship was also much more open, but certainly not without its challenges. One of the interesting things they did, was start a forum, not unlike XMTS's "penalty box," except threads weren't locked in there. It was called "Fight Club" -- A place for threads that just get too nasty for the rest of us... And people could just FLAME ON to their hearts' contents. It started out okay at first, but within months it turned out to be kind of a failed experiment, and the rules had to be modified. The theory was, to simply give people the chance to work things out, or run out of steam eventually. Problem was, no one ever ran out of steam, and no one wanted to back down... If you excuse the vernacular, the e-peens were bloody HUGE!

But XMTS is no different. Having been hanging around this bunch for a few years already, I've seen this thread before, at least on a few occasions.

People get frustrated, occasionally leave, and within 48 hours there's a new thread on another kilt forum talking about the heavy-handed moderatorship here. In fact, I'd be surprised if this weren't already up being discussed elsewhere. No matter, that's all irrelevant.

If there's one thing I've noticed about XMTS, is that it IS fairly consistent. It IS fairly strictly moderated, and it always HAS been. And I think that those who have stayed on throughout some of the changes and growing pains and member exodi (exoduses?) have been able to come to grips with that and somehow reconcile the friendship, informative value and positive qualities with the fact that you CANNOT say what you like, when you like, how you like.... And realize that even a completely BENIGN thread can turn sour.

Has there been a rash of benign threads turning sour? Maybe. But I would encourage everyone, the least of whom the OP, to not give up on the forum just because the weather turned rainy for a few days.

Take a break? Sure. We all need 'em. Leave for good? That's everyone's right, but I have yet to visit a perfect forum. Unless you learn to exorcise your demons ANYWHERE, it's just a matter of time until you're faced by the same problems on the NEXT site. And the next one, and the one after that.

**beloitpiper** · 26th May 11, 07:47 PM

I'm with Steve on this one.

Biblemonkey, if you don't like the rules or the culture of this forum, just leave. No reason to be so melodramatic about it. There's plenty of other websites to patronize.

**CDNSushi** · 26th May 11, 08:58 PM

Originally Posted by beloitpiper

I'm with Steve on this one.

Biblemonkey, if you don't like the rules or the culture of this forum, just leave. No reason to be so melodramatic about it. There's plenty of other websites to patronize.

At the same time, holding a "don't let the door hit you on the way out" attitude is not very conducive to growth or improvement. It's basically saying: "We are above reproach, and the way we do things around here works! Deal with it!"

By that yardstick, I would have left Japan years ago (or been expelled from the country), as I INSIST on pointing out racism, intolerance, and xenophobia when I see it! You wouldn't believe how many times people have told me to go back to Canada if I don't like it here. Just as much as it torqued me when people back home would point the finger at "immigrants" saying that they should just go back to where they came from rather than expressing themselves or try to effect change, it happens here too. That kind of "shut up or go home" attitude really misses the point! If everyone always just shut up, turned their heels and left quietly, no one would ever learn anything, and the status quo would remain.

Change can be good too!

And if that is NOT the opinion of Steve and the rabble, then may I also suggest removing the "Comments and Suggestions" forum as well. Seems that it would simplify a lot of things.

**beloitpiper** · 26th May 11, 09:04 PM

I just find it funny that a guy who has only been here for 6 months is already sick of the place. Are we that bad?

Actually, I don't care. I like it here.

**slohairt** · 26th May 11, 09:07 PM

Originally Posted by Jock Scot

Even if it(the kilt) is not and you are not! The above are two of the most unhelpful comments ever uttered on this website!

Jock, I just wanted to say that you have nice kilts and indeed you wear them very well. (Even though you've never bought any from me!) And I mean that in the most unhelpful and inoffensive way possible!

**CDNSushi** · 26th May 11, 09:07 PM

Originally Posted by beloitpiper

I just find it funny that a guy who has only been here for 6 months is already sick of the place. Are we that bad?

No, but I think there's got to be some give & take. On one hand, a newcomer who thinks that they have solutions to everyone's woes is as welcome as glazed ham at a bar mitvah. But by the same token, an outside opinion can be invaluable when it can cut through crap that wouldn't otherwise be seen or noticed.

Clearly the answer lies somewhere in between.

**slohairt** · 26th May 11, 09:20 PM

But, seriously, I think we need to remember that this isn't a democracy nor is it even a club really. There were many people who left a while back when the forum went through a great deal of change and I'm sure they felt (or hoped) their departure would make a big impact, but frankly it didn't. There were a few melodramatic exits but things went on much as before. Such is the nature of online communication and internet forums, like it or not. People come and go for various reasons, some often having nothing to do with taking offence over a particular thread/post.

On the other hand, I have to admit, it is a bit frustrating when I see 'juicy' threads being shut down! What can you do? If you see one get in there before it shuts down?

Okay, maybe that's not such good advice...

**beloitpiper** · 26th May 11, 09:24 PM

Originally Posted by slohairt

But, seriously, I think we need to remember that this isn't a democracy nor is it even a club really. There were many people who left a while back when the forum went through a great deal of change and I'm sure they felt (or hoped) their departure would make a big impact, but frankly it didn't. There were a few melodramatic exits but things went on much as before. Such is the nature of online communication and internet forums, like it or not. People come and go for various reasons, some often having nothing to do with taking offence over a particular thread/post.

On the other hand, I have to admit, it is a bit frustrating when I see 'juicy' threads being shut down! What can you do? If you see one get in there before it shuts down?

Precisely.

**xman** · 26th May 11, 09:58 PM

I've been thinking about the difference between this forum and the other I frequent where no holds are barred. There it's like hanging with your mates in the pub. It's where you go for such unbridled discussions as can be imagined. Here it's more like polite company. There are some things which are impolite in such a setting, ways which you just don't talk to your Grand-Mother-In-Law for example. We all live with these restrictions in our lives from time to time. I find the change refreshing. Both are fine in their own time. If I want to read someone tearing strip off someone else justifiably or otherwise I can go there. If I want a dose of civility I can come here.

**Sharkman** · 26th May 11, 10:08 PM

Well I hope you reconsider, but it's your call.

It seems a bit comical to me that on a website devoted to a bunch of guys who like to wear kilts that folks get sensitive. I just think it's a bit funny myself.

I try not to let some "faceless somebody" somewhere in the ether get my goat about anything. Not to say I don't get a little bent out of shape every now and then. Never-the-less, I try to take it with a grain of salt.