> > These are from a book called Disorder in the
> American Courts, and are things people actually said in
> court, word for word, taken down and now published by court
> reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these
> exchanges were actually taking place.
> > -----------------------
> > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> > WITNESS: No, my husband says I just lie there.
> >
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> ---
> > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> > ______________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis you have, does it
> affect your memory at all?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> memory?
> > WITNESS: I forget.
> > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something you forgot?
> > _____________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
> to you that morning?
> > WITNESS: He said, 'Where are you Cathy?'
> > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> > WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> > _____________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo?
> > WITNESS: We both do.
> > ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> > WITNESS: We do.
> > ATTORNEY: You do?
> > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> > _____________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
> person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
> next morning?
> > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> > ____________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old,
> how old is he?
> > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
> > ______________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
> taken?
> > WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
> > ______________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
> was August 8th?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> > WITNESS: Uh.... I guess I was having sex!
> > _____________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> > WITNESS: None.
> > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> > WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
> > ______________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > WITNESS: By death.
> > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> > WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated
> it?
> > ______________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> > WITNESS: You guess.
> > _____________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
> pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
> attorney?
> > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> > _____________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
> you performed on dead people?
> > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
> people. Would you like to rephrase that?
> > _____________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
> school did you go to?
> > WITNESS: Oral.
> > ______________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
> the body?
> > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
> why I was doing an autopsy on him!
> > ____________________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that
> question?
> > _______________________ _______________
> >
> > --- And the best for last: ---
> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
> did you check for a pulse?
> > WITNESS: No.
> > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > WITNESS: No.
> > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> > WITNESS: No.
> > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
> was alive when you began the autopsy?
> > WITNESS: No.
> > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in
> a jar.
> > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still
> been alive, nevertheless?
> > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
> alive and practicing law.