Problem Solved!

[A Robertson]

Dear Rabble,
I have only written on this forum to ask for advice or ask for solutions to problems. (thanks for all your replies - you are great!)
Today, is different. I wish to post some advice! (wow! drinks all round, quick burst on the bagpipes)

I only wear my kilt twice a year - New Year and Burns Night. (I know - sad!) Sometimes I wear it at a wedding.
Ok, picture the scenerio at the wedding. I am dressed in my Montrose or Sheriffmuir, I got all the lace and trimmings. I look good (I know I look good, 'cos I looked at myself in the mirror. I fact, I look so good, I even want to date myself). I go to the wedding, - I look even better than James Bond himself. I know all the ladies are looking at me. I can have anyone I want. So, I choose the best (blue eyes, blonde, 58-24-36 - inches). We chink champagne glasses, we laugh, make social chit - chat. THEN>>>>> Horror of horrors !!! - I look down, and one of my ghillie shoe laces is half way up my leg, the other one is round my ankles!
I escape, run to the toilet, and re-tie them, - - so tight my feet turn blue.
By the time I get back, my desired has either left/is sitting on her husbands knee/eloped with a much younger guy.

BUT!!!!! - No More!!!

(please - I am not trying to teach you to suck eggs) - When you tie your laces, you wrap them around your legs, pass one strand under the other, pull them tight, make a bow, and tie the knot.

Ok! - When you have finished reading this, - zap down to your nearest supermarket, hardwear store, charity shop, stationers - and buy a packet of black plastic coated paper clips.

Put your ghillies on, wrap the laces to the desired height, pass one strand under the other - - this is the good bit - - slide a black plastic coated paper clip through you sock, and hook your lace onto it, Then proceed to make the loop and tie the knot.
Guaranteed, it will not damage your socks or your reputation, AND it is invisible. (You may want to bend or contort it a bit) and your laces will stay in place!

Anyway - it works!

In conclusion. The next time you are at a social gathering, wearing your kilt, choose the woman you want. You will have many spare ones! (if one of the spare ones is blonde, blue eyes, 58 - 24 - 36, please ask her to contact me through these pages. I live in England, I am not rich, If she lives in USA/Australia/Canada/ New Zealand - I cannot afford the airfare - but no problem! - tell her, - - I will swim!)

If there are any entrepreneurs reading this, please make a special 'lace holder' based on the above information, market it, make a fortune, but please send me a few free samples!

Happy hunting!