I'm having some cognitive dissonance, and future psychologist Hachiman provides me the opportunity to process it.

In a different thread, I was emphatic in stating my disinterest in wearing women's clothes. In that same thread, Hachiman follows with:

Quote Originally Posted by Hachiman
The question was posed: "what's your motivation for wearing a kilt?"
[...]
* Gender politics - that is...I too feel that the standard option of "men wear shorts or trousers" whilst women can wear just about anything is...unfair. As a psychology student, I'm always espousing gender equity and often discussing some of the problems faced by men - I see kilts as a way of "putting my money where my mouth is", so to speak.
The subject of whether or not a kilt is a skirt or a type of skirt has come up a number of times, and I am not starting this thread to rekindle that debate. What interests me about that discussion is how quickly many of us are inclined to respond to "Nice skirt!" with "Well, it's a kilt, but thanks!" Why is this? Is it because we know when it's said in that certain way that the remark is intended as a put-down? I know that I have reacted this way, more so when I first started wearing kilts than I do now that I am more comfortable in public with them.

In a former workplace, there used to be a tradition of hazing persons who were promoted into the management ranks with a cutting off of the tie - a symbolic emasculation wherein the tie is a stand-in for the phallus. In order to belong to the good-ol' boys' club, you have to be humiliated first, and what a better way to humiliate a man than to call him a woman! I found this ritual abhorrent, and saw it reach its most absurd lows when my friend Julie's new peers compelled her to wear a tie just to lop it off again.

I sense a similar attitude about the "skirt" issue. Several Xmarkers have posted stories describing family who say it with no malice, and it seems less bothersome. But we all know it's the random, smart-mouthed stranger, or insecure colleague trying to be witty, who rankles us.

I would like to believe that there are worse things that can happen to a guy than to be compared to a woman, and I look forward to the day when we can all greet such remarks with a shrug or a smile. Today and throughout history, one can find women wearing skirts, saris, pantsuits, space suits, and aprons to be admired and honored for their achievements.

So, why was I so peremptory in distancing myself from the woman's wardrobe? Well, maybe it's internalized heteronormativity, but men and women are constructed with different curves and planes, and I like being a man. I feel that masculinity and femininity have equal, but different, value, and preserving their differences is useful (particularly for those of you who are preserving the species!). I can respect and honor women without looking like them, but I'm not opposed to a little cross-pollination either. In this forum, I've mentioned ways in which I accessorize that many would consider out of the norm for a man, and yet I doubt that anyone who saw me in person would mistake me for a cross-dresser.

That is, until I started wearing skirts - er - um - kilts.

I guess the point is everyone here understands that a kilt is a man's garment. Not everyone not here has the same understanding. Some do, but they are not comfortable with the notion. The skirt remarks speak only to their own fears and ignorance. Reacting to them as the insults they were intended to be neither honors women or is likely to promote greater understanding. So, the next time one is directed to me, I will endeavor to say simply, "Thanks!" and leave off any part that follows "but..."

[/therapysession]

Regards,
Rex in Cincinnati