Scotland The Brave (Comic Version)

Land o' the purple heather
Land o' the dirty weather
Land where the midges gaither
Scotland The Brave.

Land o' the Pakistanis
Andy Capp and Saturday's Sannies
Land where they sell their grannies
Scotland The Brave.

Used to say in Faithers day
You could hear the bagpipes play
But now you hear the regal tones
O' Elton John and the Rolling Stones

Land that is full of stinkers
Wee fat jews and VP drinkers
Whisky put a lot o' stinkers
Into Scottish graves

Land that is full o' skivvers
Comic Singers, deep sea divers
Turbans on our bus con drivers
Scotland The Brave

Land o' the brutal bobbies
Councillers wi' part-time jobbies ("Aye, if the shoe fits, wear it!" verbal by Roy)
Architects wi' paying hobbies
Scotland The Brave

The tourists come here every year to see all our historic gear
But all they see is loads o' navvies
High rise flats wi' concrete lavvies

Land o' the "Artic" lorries,
Andy Stewart, and ra Corries
Land where everybody borries
Scotland The Brave

Land o' the Kilt and Sporran
Underneath there,s nothing worn!
How I wish the wind was warm!
Scotland The Brave

I must admit it,s pretty gruesome
Walking around with a frozen twosome!
It,s all we,ve got we mus,nt lose them!
Scotland The Brave

Conservatives try to assure us
Labour,s hard put to endure us
The kirk puts curbs on our enjoyment
Government makes unemployment!

Never mind, the day is near
When independence will be here
We'll drink a toast in Youngers Beer
To Scotland The Brave!.

Culled from here. I hope no one finds it offensive.