I guess I'll give the sash to one of my sisters then. Shoot, I'm even considering e-mailing sport kilt to suggest removing any suggestions that guys could wear the sash.
Well, thanks for all the info. A big ol' chunk of tartan for a piper's sash (which, from what everyone has said, I'll probably never get.) is way out of my price range, unless someone happens to sell poly-viscoes by the yard.