Well now- this got way more response than I expected. So I'll answer everything at once:

I have come to the conclusion that the smell is all in me 'ead. It looks clean, and no one else smells it. I think there's nothing for it other than for me to get myself a more trad day wear sporran as a replacement. Real shame. I was thinking about this:

It's unobtrusive and I like it.

Second- Yeah, he has a pretty descent sense of humor most of the time. He puts up with me, so he has to. I'm an artist...

I am certainly glad to have made everyone's day. It made mine for sure. I have been giggling about it all day myself.