"My kilt was made by Kinloch-Anderson, the bespoke Edinburgh firm who have been making them for so long they still have Moses' waist size on file.

It's got my name on the label, its own serial number and more Royal warrants than a Ballater baker's shop."

Actually no. They are not a bespoke firm - they point you towards Dege & Skinner in Saville Row for that. Nice bit of advertising though, has to be worth a kilt or two don't you think?