Is the manager in?

[gilmore]

Warning: Do not read this if you have anything in your mouth.

Alex Salmond when the Scottish National Party MP for Banff and Buchan told this story story to the 1988 Scottish Prison Officers' Association Delegates at their Conference in Peterhead.

It concerned, sair Mr Salmond, the Turriff farmer who went to his far-from-friendly bank and asked "Kin I see the manager?"

To be told by an assistant: "I'm sorry, the manager died very suddenly - it is a great shock to us all."

"Weill, weill" said the farmer, shook his head and left. But next day back he came and again asked to see the manager.

The assistant was troubled: "I told you yesterday that the manager had died suddenly." He repeated " It was a great shock to us all - we are grief stricken."

"Weill, weill" said the farmer and left as before. But back he came the next day with the inquiry and the next and of course always got the same reply from the perplexed assistant.

On the fifth day when he asked yet again to see the manager the assistant's veneer of patience cracked!

"Look you cretin" he yelled "you dunnerheid. The manager has passed away, he has departed this earth, he has joined the great banking hall in the sky. Don't you understand? Are you deaf? THE MANAGER IS BLOODY DEID!"

"Oh ay, A unnerstaun" said the farmer. "A heard ye the furst time... A jist like fir ti hear ye say it."

Did you heed the warning or did you spit on the screen?