A minister is riding on a train one day. The conductor comes through the car very quickly, calling out, "Is there a priest on board? A Catholic priest?"

The minister starts to speak but decides not to, since it was a Catholic priest that was requested. The conductor leaves but comes through again, calling out, "Is there an Anglican priest on board? An Anglican priest?"

Before the minister can speak, the conductor leaves the car. A minute later, the conductor comes through the car again. "A rabbi? Is there a rabbi on board today? Please?"

The minister stands and says, "Maybe I can help. I'm a minister."

The conductor looks the minister up and down then asks, "Are you? What kind?"

"A Baptist. Does someone need a man of God? I can help, no matter what."

"No," the conductor says. "You'll do no good. We need someone with a corkscrew."