Attention one, attention all
ye kilties kind and cruel.
I've a thing now to discuss
which might me make a fool*,

But on I'll plod and I'll confess
that wearing out my kilt
In this approaching solstice dark
has in't a challenge built.

It may not be so clear to those
who live in warmer climes,
But 'round the north it can get cold
and worse at winter time.

It is inevitable that
you'll feel the winter breeze
Whistling down around your kilt
and blowing on your knees.

This in and of itself is not
so tragic as the knee
Is not so tender as the thigh
which also seems to be

Remarkably susceptible
when walking at a pace
To getting rather draughty down
and in the rearward place.

Now let me make it clear right now
that other nether regions
Are happily immune to winds
And I don't care the reasons.

Just glad that these my precious parts
are cozy safe and warm
Protected by this worsted wool
from th'worst o' winter's harm

And though my legs might suffer some
from icy chills and blasts
I'm glad to say my derrière
is toasty warm at last

No pants have ever kept my rump
quite so well contented
Those drawers just can't compare to kilts
whatever their intent is.

But what about my thighs again
It's minus ten degrees**!
(With wind chill) That is just enough
to make my ham hocks freeze.

I even thought heretically
that pulling on some tights
Beneath my kilt could keep me warm
and comfortable, it might.

And so I'm wond'ring how you feel
when out among the snow
and in your kilt, are you warm
or colder still? I really wish to know.

I've only ventured forth few times
and cannot really tell
If trading trousers in for kilts
is heavenly or hell

In this regard, this winter worry
this snow and wint'ry weather.
What says the rabble in the north?
Have I traded for the better?

~ X MacDonald

* again
** ºC = 15ºF