Help! What is this?

[Chas]

Sorry, if I was a bit blunt Ron. I was trying to do two things at the same time and had the wife telling me something of 'vital importance'. In fact so vital that I am still none the wiser, but I don't dare ask for a third explanation!

Regards

Chas

[Burly Brute]

Bolas...

Im sure there's a pun in there somewhere...

Haha I knew it! I think this is the most plausible answer.

[Taygrd]

Let's use deductive reasoning...
Hmmm.... there are two of them and they are too small for your feet, your hands, and the string is too long for the ears or to cover your eyes. Scotland gets cold, many go regimental, frostbite on certain parts of the lower body would be very bad...............OH MY, I hope you washed your hands after handling them

[sevenoaks]

It surprises me that no one recognizes this article. It is so very obvious to me.
If we examine the item we will note the cord is about 30" in length, the attached pads make it a sure thing that they are for kneeling on. The cord is held up to about 1" above the belly button and held there with one finger. We all now that a kilt length must fall to just above the knees. If one tries to measure this by himself we all know it can not be done without bending over and thus one will always get a wrong measurement. While kneeling on the pads one can pull up on each right and left cord to obtain a perfect measurement.
It prevents the embarrassment of having to ask someone to measure you as you kneel naked. This position also helps in keeping the age old mystery of
"What do you have under your kilt?"
Now... come on Lads, grab Y'r Pipes and get in the parade!