I like this one best:

CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE

INGREDIENTS

1 Cup of water
8 oz dried fruit
1 tblsp salt
Lemon juice
1 tsp baking powder
8 oz Sugar
1 Bottle of whisky

4 large eggs
1 lb of dried fruit
8 oz butter
8 oz of flour

METHOD
Sample the whisky to check for quality

Take a large bowl. Check whisky again. To be sure it is of the highest
quality, pour one level cup and drink, repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat 2 oz of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one tsp of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still OK, cry another tup.

Turn off the mixerer, break two bowls and add to the eggs and chuck in the fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fruit gets stuck in the bloody beaters, pry it loose with a screwdriver.

Sample the whisky again to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two sups of calt or something, Who cares? Check the whisky.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table or spoon of sugar or something, Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turnerer. Throw the bowl out the window, check the whisky again and go to bed......... .......

Next day, take three aspirins go to Walmart and buy a frigging Christmas Cake!