Appearances may be deceiving, but we form opinions based on them all of the time. A hundred years ago, when taking pictures meant sending them off to get them developed, a friend helped me shoot some of me pulling my shirt off (like Superman) to reveal a tee shirt underneath with a message. Because I didn't know better, I posed with my hands unbuttoning my shirt. The pictures came back looking a little like an illustration for "how to pick up girls" with a guy's head in place- instead of looking mighty, I looked like I was demurely getting ready for bed. The reason was that my hands looked wrong. Superman clenches his and you can see the force in his arms.

NOT to demean or criticize any armed service or armed service member, present or former, but parade rest does not look relaxed- and it makes you look like a servicemember in civilian clothes. Similarly, relaxing with your arms crossed can make you look like you are itching for a fight. Putting your fists on your hips sometimes looks that way, too, or makes you look impatient. Going back and forth makes you look nervous.

If you are "meeting" a law enforcement officer, for instance, you may not want to look impatient or itchy. I read recently about something called the "felony stretch" that leads some officers to believe you are releasing tension because you are feeling guilty. Well, aren't we ALL feeling a little bit guilty?

I used to do the Jack Benny: rest one elbow in the other hand and rest your chin and jaw in the top hand. It makes you look thoughtful, if only a little bit self-parodying. Lately, I prefer putting my hands in my jacket pockets. The implications of the trouser pockets are eliminated and the disruption to the lines of the garment is less, too.

I think the best plan is to practice three or four different stances- get to be comfortable in all of them and get comfortable in general. If you are standing in a line or alongside a number of other people, decide whether you want to look like them ( on a parade ground or as a pallbearer or groomsman) or different (meeting attractive strangers or customers) and adjust your stance accordingly.

and let your breath out. You look great.