The Rules of the Gentleman

[Bob C]

I, also was a Boy Scout and earned an Eagle, and to this day I think that trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent are pretty darned good words to live by.

However, nowhere in there do I see references to how martinis should be served, or the price of your haberdasher, or any suggestion that there is a moral imperative that I must hold doors open for 21st century women who could care less if I do or do not, and are just as likely to hold a door open for me as I am for them. Nor do I see any reference to hats worn indoors.

I know this is a forum about clothes, but the never-ending suggestions that what someone wears, and how they wear it wears defines the quality of their personality REALLY annoys me. Obviously.

You know, there are men out there who work hard, take care of their kids, are wonderful husbands, give regularly to charities and understand what's important, "to do unto others as you would have them do unto you" .. who have dirt under their fingernails that will never wash out. They would much rather drink a beer than a gin and tonic. In fact, they have never heard of a gin and tonic. They don't have a haberdasher, they don't own a $600 kilt, nor do they own a tailored suit.

Hear him! Hear him!

[gary meakin]

Although I don't presume to know the mind of the OP, I took this list of rules as a reminder that the 'art' of being a gentleman is declining.
I don't think that if you fail to follow them to the letter, you can't be a gentleman.
I don't drink so I can't follow rule #15.
I can't afford tailored suits (my kilt is custom made 'tho) so rule #10 is out.
The scout oath does say be clean and courteous so I guess that's the same as Rule #1 and #4.
I look at these rules as goals to work toward and thus be a better person to be around and a better example for the generation behind me.
gary

[longhuntr74]

Although I don't presume to know the mind of the OP, I took this list of rules as a reminder that the 'art' of being a gentleman is declining.
I don't think that if you fail to follow them to the letter, you can't be a gentleman.
I don't drink so I can't follow rule #15.
I can't afford tailored suits (my kilt is custom made 'tho) so rule #10 is out.
The scout oath does say be clean and courteous so I guess that's the same as Rule #1 and #4.
I look at these rules as goals to work toward and thus be a better person to be around and a better example for the generation behind me.
gary

Well said, Gary! It's funny how every time somebody posts something like this, there are always those that seem to be personally insulted or want to argue minute points instead of taking the overall message to heart. I could certainly make modifications to this list to make it better fit my opinions...but I'm quite content to take it as is for it's overall message.

Regarding tailored suits...one does need to be able to afford a custom made suit to fit rule #10. When you buy your suit, get the best fit you can in your shoulders, and then take it to a tailor/seamstress and have it altered in the waist, sleeves, and such to ensure that it fits you like it was made for you. If you have a larger chest than gut, these simple changes should also include moving the buttons about an inch on the right to take up slack in the front. It's that simple...and while it adds about $50 (for jacket and pants) to the overall cost of your suit, it's certainly worth the effort.

Finally, with regards to all the other cowboy codes, etc...I find it quite remarkable the amount of "social programming" that was inserted into TV shows and other forms of media in the 50's and 60's (though I guess it's no different today...many of us just don't like the modern messages). This was clearly a concerted effort to shape the values of a generation (or two)...much the same that the Scouting movement aims to do that very same thing. The difference between them, however, is that in Scouting, this is a stated objective of the program...it's quite overt. In these other programs/codes, it's almost subliminal and covert. Who was behind these efforts? Was it just the great idea of a bunch of producers? Was it an orchestrated effort by the US Government? I'm not a conspiracy theorist...but I do find this to be interesting food for thought.

[BoldHighlander]

Although I don't presume to know the mind of the OP, I took this list of rules as a reminder that the 'art' of being a gentleman is declining.
I don't think that if you fail to follow them to the letter, you can't be a gentleman.
I don't drink so I can't follow rule #15.
I can't afford tailored suits (my kilt is custom made 'tho) so rule #10 is out.
The scout oath does say be clean and courteous so I guess that's the same as Rule #1 and #4.
I look at these rules as goals to work toward and thus be a better person to be around and a better example for the generation behind me.

Well said, Gary! It's funny how every time somebody posts something like this, there are always those that seem to be personally insulted or want to argue minute points instead of taking the overall message to heart. I could certainly make modifications to this list to make it better fit my opinions...but I'm quite content to take it as is for it's overall message.

Well said gentlemen. The OP (moi) had no intention at pointing fingers at anyone, insulting anyone, or making anyone feel inferior. When I saw this list I thought "hey, this speaks to a certain code I try to emulate in some small way, and know others here who would enjoy reading it as well."

I could care less if you wear a tailored tweed jacket etc with your kilt, or a t-shirt & a pair of trainers, or whether you drink gin & tonic (I don't) or like your whiskey neat (I do) or for that matter if you even drink at all....or how you like your coffee (I take mine black as midnight on a moonless night, unless there's some Baileys around -- then all bets are off! ). Its how you conduct yourself towards your fellow man (& woman) that marks you as a "gentleman!" (~ however, the fact remains that if your invited to certain social functions then you won't get past the front door wearing that t-shirt & trainers, I don't care how big you are! )

And just because you might drink gin & tonic and wear a suit doesn't make one limp wristed. I've known plenty of gent's who wear bespoke clothing who have proudly served their country facing death in some far dark corner of the world, and they are the last people I would call limp wristed!

Again, its how you conduct yourself that is the true mark of a "gentleman" ~ I was raised to hold open a door for others who were following behind me (male or female), to offer my arm to an elderly individual having trouble crossing an icy street, and to be civil and not disparage others who I don't necessarily agree with. I mourn the lack of civility that we have in this world today. Others may see this as quaint & old fashioned, but again, do not disparage me for trying to live my life to a higher personal standard!

As the OP, I posted these "rules" for fun (rather you live them, or not, in some fashion). I'm sorry if some here felt insulted or inferior because of them. No one (myself included) said you have to live this way to be a "gentleman". However, please show a little respect for those of us who do or in some small way try to emulate them in some fashion, there is no need to run anyone else down. Live & let live.
I've always had one main rule above all others: "if you want respect, you must first give respect" (i.e. "treat others as you yourself wish to be treated").

Okay, 'nuff said, I'll step off my soapbox now.

I've been debating (since posting the above) about rather or not I should edit or delete this posting, as I do not wish to be seen as fanning any flames. In point of fact, it was my original intention to ignore any negative & inflammatory comments made earlier, but since there had been some question(s) as to my original intent as OP, I felt it needed to be addressed and decided to leave it as is. It is my hope that we can go forward & have fun with this thread (I, for one, really enjoy reading others reminisces of their grandfathers etc), but *IF* that is not the case then I'll ask the Mods to close this thread.

[Deirachel]

Finally, with regards to all the other cowboy codes, etc...I find it quite remarkable the amount of "social programming" that was inserted into TV shows and other forms of media in the 50's and 60's (though I guess it's no different today...many of us just don't like the modern messages). This was clearly a concerted effort to shape the values of a generation (or two)...much the same that the Scouting movement aims to do that very same thing. The difference between them, however, is that in Scouting, this is a stated objective of the program...it's quite overt. In these other programs/codes, it's almost subliminal and covert. Who was behind these efforts? Was it just the great idea of a bunch of producers? Was it an orchestrated effort by the US Government? I'm not a conspiracy theorist...but I do find this to be interesting food for thought.

It is all a part of McCarthyism. Just look at the various visual and textual arts from prior the 50s and during the 50s/60s. It was part of making the enemy evil (at the time the USSR. Make communism more atheist and it's more evil, because everyone knows we aren't atheists!). If the show had a clear cut pro-(Christian) American push, then McCarthyists wouldn't target it.

We see effects of this today (look at the inclusion of "Under God" in the Pledge in 1954, "In God We Trust" as the official motto in 1956, et al.). It's still a pretty common thing today. (Look at the somewhat common, and unfortunate, demonization of Islam today.)

[BoldHighlander]

It is all a part of McCarthyism. Just look at the various visual and textual arts from prior the 50s and during the 50s/60s. It was part of making the enemy evil (at the time the USSR. Make communism more atheist and it's more evil, because everyone knows we aren't atheists!). If the show had a clear cut pro-(Christian) American push, then McCarthyists wouldn't target it.

We see effects of this today (look at the inclusion of "Under God" in the Pledge in 1954, "In God We Trust" as the official motto in 1956, et al.). It's still a pretty common thing today. (Look at the somewhat common, and unfortunate, demonization of Islam today.)

This could quickly slip unto thin ice, so the only comment I'll make is that Gene Autry's code (as well as Hopalong & Roy Rogers) pre-date the 50s & McCarthyism. I also have a Junior G-Man code (that is all about law & order) that is circa 1936.

Cheers.

[BoldHighlander]

About four minutes ago I received the following from my sister (via email) with a note attached that read: "I thought of you when I read this."

"Being manly is not being macho. Manliness is the positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one's convictions, confidence, self-reliance, high moral qualities, self discipline, honesty and integrity. A man who is manly has courage to be able to deal with difficulty, pain or danger without backing away despite his fear." - Unknown

Sounds like the epitome of a gentleman to me.

[CopperNGold]

About four minutes ago I received the following from my sister (via email) with a note attached that read: "I thought of you when I read this."

"Being manly is not being macho. Manliness is the positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one's convictions, confidence, self-reliance, high moral qualities, self discipline, honesty and integrity. A man who is manly has courage to be able to deal with difficulty, pain or danger without backing away despite his fear." - Unknown

Sounds like the epitome of a gentleman to me.

Your sister obviously adores you, BoldHighlander! That was a great quote!

[Alan H]

"Being manly is not being macho. Manliness is the positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one's convictions, confidence, self-reliance, high moral qualities, self discipline, honesty and integrity. A man who is manly has courage to be able to deal with difficulty, pain or danger without backing away despite his fear." - Unknown

Sounds like the epitome of a gentleman to me.

Nice. Sounds good to me.