An alternative to "gentlemen"

[Streetcar]

Funny, but I was having a conversation with co-workers about the overuse of the word "Gentleman."
One of my pet peeves is listening to a victim testifying in court about how she was attacked, and still describing the suspect as a "Gentleman!" As in, "Then the Gentleman forced his way inside my house and started attacking me."
GAHH!!! THAT'S NOT A GENTLEMAN!!!!

I did, however, find this list. It is not intended to be all-inclusive:

Rules of a GENTLEMAN

1. A Gentleman is always presentable.

2. Live a passionate life, with a compassionate nature, and dispassionate judgment.

3. Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.

4. Opening the door for a lady is not optional.

5. A Gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.

6. Nothing beats a good hat, so long as it is removed when indoors.

7. Anything worth having, is worth working hard for.

8. A Gentleman will never instigate a fight, but he is permitted to end one.

9. A Gentleman reads and reflects.

10. The best suits are tailored (ties should never be a focal point).

11. A Gentleman means what he says, and says what he means.

12. Be gracious in manner, humble in tone, and thankful for what is given.

13. A Gentleman lives beyond his zone of comfort.

14. The line between confidence and arrogance is very thin, and a Gentleman is aware of it.

15. Drinks are not meant to be mixed.

16. A Gentleman can drive stick-shift.

17. A Gentleman can jump if need be.

18. Know the differences between courage and stupidity.

19. A Gentleman is observant, and takes action without delay.

20. To a lady, A Gentleman will readily offer both his coat and his hand.

[auld argonian]

Maybe people use the term "gentleman" in court because the judge would hold them in contempt if they said "That son of a bitch robbed my house!".

Best

AA

[Alan H]

Alan - while I can sense your frustration, I don't believe we can disassociate ourselves from the term "gentlemen". From the forum rules:



On that basis we are all either ladies or gentlemen (depending on gender) regardless of what we wear or how we act.

Brian

Rules can be changed.

[hkjrb623]

I actually sat and read this entire thread after passing it over many times. I really don't mind the term "gentlemen" as general description. I do think that it is fairly obsurd that what seems like an honest miscommunication has almost turned into a battle of snobbery. I definitely do not consider myself a gentlemen. Mainly because of the men that I have seen refer to themselves this way generally are complete snobs. I'm not saying that people on here are, I'm just stating from personal experience. I really don't agree with the posting of "rules of a gentleman". So, if you couldn't afford a fitted suit, you're automatically not a gentleman? Does that make you some sort of trash if you're poor? I've said this in a previous thread, and I will find the source that I don't remember off the top of my head. Kilts and highland attire were referred as the "dress of thieves" by most lowlanders and the English. How did it go from this to a fashion statement surrounded by rules and snobbery. In my opinion, if you're really worried about all the "rules", you're missing the real reason you should be wearing one- because you want to. Also, because of you're heritage. In the end does all the "gentleman" crap really matter?

By the way, pith helmets are dumb. Is it safari time at the highland games or something?

[Alan H]

I still wish for a term that applies to people who do their best to treat others with respect...and that includes speaking your mind rather directly when the occasion warrants it... and who happen to wear kilts, but DON'T

1. dress like a throwback to 1920
2. elevate clothes to symbols of worshipfulness and virtue
3. absolutely MUST have a gin and tonic, made only from the finest Bombay gin.
4. know that of course, all proper human beings have custom-made kilts, custom tailored suits and $800 shoes and anyone who doesn't is just the hoi-polloi. At the very least, if they don't have these things, they aspire to them.
5. actually use the word "daywear" in a sentence, and take themselves seriously while speaking/writing it.


I'm just kind of amazed that I happen to be the guy protesting the loudest about the whole thing. I mean....I get the idea that choosing a tie that looks good does not make you a fop. I understand that washing your socks between wearings does not make you a fop. I understand the pleasure associated with owning and wearing a first-class kilt. Owning a first-class kilt does not make you a fop. I OWN a first class kilt. Hell, I MAKE kilts...I SEW, for Gods sake. I don't think I'm a fop. I might be a first-class jerk, but I don't think I'm a "fop".

There's a line. IMHO, way, way too often we go way over that line, here on X Marks. Too often, it all gets "dolled up" in the term "gentleman".

"A gentleman is always presentable". Give me a f)*&^%#$ break.

There's a reason I never put a dandelion in my sig line here on X Marks. I may, actually give some thought to this, and dream up another equally ridiculous group. Maybe we should have a hiking boot as a symbol. Or a shotgun. Or a Scottish hammer. Or a crescent wrench. Or an oilcan. Or a pickaxe. You know...something "crude"..."dirty"..."working class"... and ..."Manly".

[macwilkin]

Alan: I'm a bit confused. If I want to dress like I'm a throwback from the 1920s in my Highland rig, why can't I, as long as I follow your cardinal rule of dressing for yourself and not others, and are respectful to those who may choose to otherwise? (Although INMHO, my daywear rig looks like the late 50s - early 60s.)

I'm really not trying to argue or pick a fight. Just wanting a clarification. We don't see eye-to-eye on our kilted rig, it's true, but I certainly respect your right to wear what you want to, as well as the fact you appreciate Pusser's Rum*.

*If this makes me a "rum snob" because I can't stand the Captain, then I apologise.

T.

[creagdhubh]

Seriously, the alternative to a gentleman is not somebody I'd really like to meet.

Agreed.

[creagdhubh]

Alan: I'm a bit confused. If I want to dress like I'm a throwback from the 1920s in my Highland rig, why can't I, as long as I follow your cardinal rule of dressing for yourself and not others, and are respectful to those who may choose to otherwise? (Although INMHO, my daywear rig looks like the late 50s - early 60s.

Me too, Todd.

[davidlpope]

I still wish for a term that applies to people who do their best to treat others with respect...and that includes speaking your mind rather directly when the occasion warrants it... and who happen to wear kilts, but DON'T

1. dress like a throwback to 1920
2. elevate clothes to symbols of worshipfulness and virtue
3. absolutely MUST have a gin and tonic, made only from the finest Bombay gin.
4. know that of course, all proper human beings have custom-made kilts, custom tailored suits and $800 shoes and anyone who doesn't is just the hoi-polloi. At the very least, if they don't have these things, they aspire to them.
5. actually use the word "daywear" in a sentence, and take themselves seriously while speaking/writing it.


I'm just kind of amazed that I happen to be the guy protesting the loudest about the whole thing. I mean....I get the idea that choosing a tie that looks good does not make you a fop. I understand that washing your socks between wearings does not make you a fop. I understand the pleasure associated with owning and wearing a first-class kilt. Owning a first-class kilt does not make you a fop. I OWN a first class kilt. Hell, I MAKE kilts...I SEW, for Gods sake. I don't think I'm a fop. I might be a first-class jerk, but I don't think I'm a "fop".

There's a line. IMHO, way, way too often we go way over that line, here on X Marks. Too often, it all gets "dolled up" in the term "gentleman".

"A gentleman is always presentable". Give me a f)*&^%#$ break.

There's a reason I never put a dandelion in my sig line here on X Marks. I may, actually give some thought to this, and dream up another equally ridiculous group. Maybe we should have a hiking boot as a symbol. Or a shotgun. Or a Scottish hammer. Or a crescent wrench. Or an oilcan. Or a pickaxe. You know...something "crude"..."dirty"..."working class"... and ..."Manly".

Alan,

I think I get it. You don't like the word "gentleman" because it connotes snobbery, dandyism, and, apparently, effeminacy, to you. I resolve never to refer to you by that term. I hope the other XMarkers will honor your wishes as well. Simple enough solution.

I don't understand, though, why you seem so determined to make this an ongoing issue. There are many different types of folks on XMarks. Some of us like being referred to as gentlemen because we have a different understanding of what the term means. Is it not enough that despite our disagreement over the notion of "gentleman" that we have an appreciation for kilts in common? Let's leave these discussions to other online communities. No need to argue about things touching on class structure and "manliness" here.

Cordially,

David

[creagdhubh]

***! The motto of my beloved native land!

And my home for 5 years! North Carolina, naturally.